♥Daily Blog: When Will I Be Found?

I got my test back today and I DID score one hundred percent on the mc part of the final -_- My teacher didn't even include me yesterday in that "congratulations" announcement. The other person received claps and recognition, and yet, I also scored a hundred but was left out.

Am i really that unnoticeable?

I got my test back and i was surprised. I got a hundred and if the teacher made a commotion about earning a hundred, why wasn't i included? I feel so weird, hurt, and unworthy.

When somebody forgets, why am I always the one being forgotten?

I guess i feel a bit better since i did earn a perfect score....

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Sometimes, I don't understand why i'm always the one calling him if i want to talk to him...

Isn't it...usually the guy who calls...all the time, most of the time...

At least...that's what i see in...many happy relationships. I mean...i've always wanted to feel...what it's like to be a lady...how nice if i feel like one...how nice...if i'm treasured by someone i love.

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I watched a movie today, and...i got all weird up again.

I'm not really sure if i want to get married...

I mean, okay, I do. I really do. And if i do, i want to marry him.

But then...he hasn't changed.

Furthermore, he doesn't truly love me.

Okay, after observing for YEARS and through many of the things i go through...

I realized that if two people truly love each other, they'll fall in love with each other over and over again...

It's true love...when you keep falling in love with that person...even 20+ years later. Falling in love is also a form of happiness.

However, being in a relationship where only one person truly loves the other...and the true love is unrequited, it's death.

Most people cheat even in marriage mainly because they want that "renewal" feeling of love.

It's sad but...i realized that he doesn't truly love me. He doesn't...not after the fact that he did pursue other girls.

I mean, can you HONESTLY believe that he has never thought of any other person? Boy, I sure wish that were true.

Then again, sometimes mistakes happen...and of course, giving chances to someone who has made a mistake is always worth it IF the person actually changes and fix things.

But it's totally sad and depressing if you've been so forgiving to the other person, and the person won't even improve for you.

It's sad because that's how you know ifi the person truly loves you or not.

I see myself giving up, i'm not sure what's going on. I truly love him and have always been in love with the same person for the past year.
He has always given me the butterflies everytime i'm waiting to meet up with him.

But after truly loving someone and giving him my time, patience, and love...and, seeing that the person doesn't even truly love me back to actually improve for me...

I feel a bit dead. Being persistent has always been a personality trait in me. I thought being that way usually pays off in the end. I thought the things I do are worth it.

But I realized that I've been taken for granted, and i wasn't TRULY loved in return...it was unrequited and he won't even improve for me...he doesn't want me to be happy and at ease...

I want to be with him, i want to be happy with him. i wnat to love him happily and knowing that he's happily loving me as well.

I want him to want me...i want a good relationship...a relationshp that's full of effort and love...something that lasts forever until the final day of our lives.

I realized that last year's valentine's day has been great. February has always been my favorite month, and as a result, he gave 14 presents...one for each day...until valentine's day...

he was so creative...and the way he showed up before me...i came in and saw a stuffed animal sitting in my place, starbucks coffee and muffin.

This year, it's completely different....

You see, a true loving relationship will never run out of ideas...even if one day i'll have my fiftieth valentine's day with him (if i'm married), i want the day to be as special as the first.

To me, I want to be happily married, and i know it's rare but...i want to be the rare case. i want to be fortunate...i want to have a happy marriage...

Because...i was born with so much imagination...so much hope...

I'm afraid that if i get married to somebody i love who doesn't truly love me back...i'm afraid that i may no longer know the meaning of happiness.

I'm seeking for true love, wanting to be loved, wanting to be happy in love and share that happy love with the person i care about.

Life gets in the way but...that can't be an excuse.

Our fantasies keep us alive and we're happy when we think about things...

There IS such thing as reality being better than dreams. Why? Because if dreams become a reality...why would you want to dream when you can LIVE your dreams?

Not everybody can get that happiness, and also, i KNOW that i truly love this one guy right now...i mean...i didn't know it before...until later on..i realize that i have true love for him.
Maybe I'm wrong, but...I have a very strong feeling that he and i are soulmates...and..it's just sad that...the opportunity for one soulmate to grasp the other is wasted.

Obviously, I've been waiting but...maybe i'm not fortunate enough to actually have the soulmate. I mean...he's not going to change...he's just gonna miss out on me...

Today i begin to understand what love must be if it exists. When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence.