♥Daily Blog: Late

I called him to drive me to school, but he never picked it up.

10 minutes lost from my cell phone.

I spent 20 minutes calling him and waiting in between dials.

I checked the time and after realizing that I had to take the bus, I rushed down and change. I was late. I woke up on time, but I was late for school.

I ended up leaving two traces of suspicion. The phone upstairs and the phone downstairs. After I stopped calling him from my cell, I used the house phone and forgot to set it back in its place, and instead, i left it on my bed.

Then I used the house phone from downstairs while I was changing. Nothing.

I rushed out, leaving the phone inside the restroom.

I was late. I had to run after the bus while holding some heavy textbooks. Luckily, the bus stopped for me.
Nevertheless, I arrived to school LATE. Yes, late. -_-

I tried calling him at lunch today too, reminding him that i needed a black tie for valentine's dinner tomorrow. but no, he didn't pick up.

Did he have work today? Lately, he's not returning my calls anymore.

Also, he should be home by now -_- IF he had work today.

Anyway, I didn't get a hundred percent on my religion part of the test -_- Did I miss one? Two? I KNOW that i didn't miss that many, because I was only unsure on 1-3 of the questions -_-

gahh...but not one hundred percent? I felt worse throughout the whole day.

And then, suddenly, I felt disappointed in myself. I felt as though I couldn't be loved. I'm not smart -_- If I were, i would have gotten a hundred on that freaken test.

Suddenly, I felt that I couldn't be loved by him.

Should I be feeling this way, however? I shouldn't, right? I mean, if the person really loves you, he or she would love you NOT for the grades...um..right? Well, of course...they would admire that part of you but...eh...idk...

Maybe all this time, because he doesn't truly love me (for he won't change) I feel as though...i can be only loved by grades o.o i mean...i guess i want him to be more appreciative of me? maybe more admiration? that he has a gf who works hard AND has that work paid off?

i mean...i work hard...stress myself out but i don't even succeed.
And then...sometimes..."life" gets in the way and...sometimes....i might not be able to have a chance to be successful because...i have to work my butt off just to...survive...

i didn't get a hundred percent... -_-

I wish he loves me like i love him...i mean...i don't like his laziness but i kinda like being the one who inspires him to work hard...
And he feels comfortable around me cause he knows that i love HIM...that i truly love him.
He doesn't have to have perfect grades...as long as he actually tries and does work and stuff...and ends up getting a certain grade...i wouldn't stop loving him...

Then again...i can't feel the way he feels....i mean...i wonder what's it like to receive the kind of love that I myself gave him...

I would feel beautiful, wouldn't I? I would feel loved, feel appreciated, feel that i'm cared for...knowing that...my feelings actually matter...
knowing that i was loved enough and that person would change for me, for the relationship...that it would be better...

i feel so terrible...i went from a perfect straight A person to some average unsuccessful student -_-

But i tried hard...honestly! i just have other things i want to do...i mean...i love music...i love to write...i love to imagine...

and i actually study -_- what the heck?

why are some ppl so smart -_- they don't need to study that smart and they're like...naturally smart...

and i freaken try and try...spend hours...and i do other stuff too...-_-

why can't i get a freaken one hundred percent D: