♥Daily Blog: Well, That's That

He's not going to change.

I guess I'll just be a jerk to him until he breaks up with me...it shouldn't be that hard for me...i mean, he's not going to change, right?

He doesn't love me and want me enough to really make me happy.

So....I might as well just give up on him. I mean, he doens't really love me, so...why bother trying and trying? Love happens naturally, you really can't force the person to love you.

I can't force him to love me...so..yeah.

I also can't be with someone who's always avoiding things that mean a lot to me.
He just avoids it, so basically he really doesn't care about health and is only concern with his own health.

He goes to sleep, while his avoiding of settling things keeps me up all night.

So, he really doesn't care. I mean...whether i love him a lot or i love him little, i'm not sure if he even cares about that either.
Whether I'm with him or not, he doesn't care either.

I can't live through the pain each and everyday knowing that he never listened to me anymore, knowing that he doesn't love me enough to do the one thing I ask of him, knowing that he's with other women.

Conscience:
Well, it seems like you care about the guy a lot. It's touching, but he doesn't feel the same way about you. If he does the same things twice, he'll do it again.
Guys are less prone to changing. I pity you. You've deceived yourself into thinking that he's changed and that you love him.
That you refuse to see that the guy's flawed. Or, you refuse to see that he doesn't love you at all. Or, you refuse to be unforgiving of him.
You deserve better than someone who can't focus on you.
Someone who flirts while in a relationship is no good. Even if he says that it's not flirting, well what does he know? He's not the one hurting, now is he?
Just like you. Back then when you criticized him, you didn't see it as criticism but rather just pointing mistakes out and hoping that he can fix them. However, he didn't see it as that but rather criticism.
You see, when one does something, one sees it differently than the other. However, if the person really cares about the other, he/she will have to fix things if he/she really loves the person.
Just like you. Even when you didn't see it as criticism, he saw it as criticism. But because he was hurt, you CHANGED and bent to his needs.
However, he's NOT changing for you nor is he bending to your needs.
You need to drop the guy before you go crazy. I mean, you're giving him so much love, but he's not returning anything.
I know you love him, but do you love yourself? You let him hurt you but you don't let yourself to hurt him.

Me: But...that means i love him more than myself.
Conscience: Yes, but does HE love you more than himself?

Me: All I ask is for one thing...I'm sure if he loves me, then he'll be better, right?

Conscience:
Dumbhead. Today, I shall teach you a lesson since you're sooo blind!
Okay, he won't change. That's the problem. It's not that he can't change. It's that statistically speaking, he won't. You want to believe he will. You want to believe that you can make him change. I'm really sorry to say, but he won't change unless he wants to.
And from what I've been feeling and seeing with you, that brain of his is too dense to be smart enough to change for someone who's going to love him forever.
And then he lied to you directly.
You gave him a second chance
He blew it.
He blew it so bad.
You can pretend he blew it 10 times over. And you gave him 10 chances, and he just screwed all of them up in one go.

Me: You sound harsh today.

Conscience:
Well, you're not studying and you're thinking! So I'm going to be blunt and get you to realize something!

Me: Um, okay.

Conscience:
Well, he made promises. He broke them, lied to you, talks with other women which hurts you really badly.
Furthermore, one and a half months earlier...his own BEST FRIEND (not you, the guy one) says he won't change.
He disregards your feelings and walks away.

Me: Even when he hurts me, I still love him.

Conscience:
Don't degrade yourself to that type of treatment. Please. To be honest, back then he may treat you better than your ex since he actually didn't treat you like an object and actually considered your feelings. But right now, he's treating you worse than your ex did. And you know why? It's because your boyfriend actually KNOWS how you feel, and yet he disregards them.
If he knows that you're hurt, and he continues to do what's hurting you, well...he's hurting you on purpose.

Me: hm ic..

conscience: Also, you're being too modest. Even though it's just ONE problem that's keeping you two from getting closer, it's bugging you. Can you live knowing that he'd do it...say, when you're engaged? When you're married? For the rest of your life?
If something bugs you now, it will continue to do so.
Besides, it's more than just that. He lied to you about it. Who knows what he else he might do.
Even though you forgive him, has he ever asked for your forgiveness? No, you just GIVE it to him and yet he doesn't even see the love that you have for him. He's not even going to change for you.

Me: yeah...

Conscience: Also, you're his recent crush (hopefully) and you seem to feel as though he doesn't want you anymore. Who knows, I might agree on what you feel right now.
Anyway, you love him but he's really not before you.
The person you fell in love with isn't here anymore. He's GONE. He isn't that boy anymore.
You deserve better.
You deserve the guy that your boyfriend used to be.
You deserve someone who will care for you, talk to you about whatever is bugging you.
And right now, even when he's telling you that he wants to be with you, they're just lies. You're falling for them. He knows you really love him. He knows all he has to say is he "loves" you and you'll come back to him.
As for materialistic love, you need more than that. You need emotional affection, and trust me dear, you ain't going to get that from who he is now.

Me: Well...he says that he wants to go with the flow now, so i guess i'm not part of his future anymore.

Conscience: Well, right now...i dont think he'll change for you. If he does, I'll be surprised. But you know, he doesn't love you, so stop thinking that he does.
I mean, seriously, he disregards your feelings and just walks away.
And who knows what he'll do tomorrow. I'm not saying that you should assume, but...really, with the way he's treating you,

He doesn't CARE. Stick that into your mind. If he does care about you, he'll change.