♥Daily Blog: Falling Down

I went to sleep at 10:30 last night; apparently i grew extremely tired from crying about the loss of a sandwich and a whole bunch of other things.

So, after I realized that he wasn't going to come on, I bit my lip to avoid from crying that he wasn't going to be on and then i left him a message and then head off to bed before i can cry a lot more.

15 minutes into my sleep and i started to have a sense of falling. I saw myself walking on a path, and then all of a sudden, the next step I toook sent me falling down.

I opened my eyes with a big jerk. Scary.

What was going on?

I'm not sure if I'm overthinking lately, but all I know is is that somehow my thoughts and dreams seem to link together lately.

I had a dream about someone luring me to be unfaithful, but then my willpower got me to stay faithful.
I had a dream that he left me, and i was left sitting on the floor, in silent tears.

Maybe I've been caring too much, and now, I'm too tired of saying the same things over again because nothing improves.
I still love him, and I still care about him.
I'm still very vulnerable to him...

But it feels as though i'm used to this unrequited love, and i'm afraid that i no longer know what it feels to be loved and cherished.

All I know is giving...giving and then become unappreciated in return...
Giving and then to be stabbed in the face.
Giving with hope
Giving with no hope

Wondering what's it like to finally be truly loved by someone whom i truly love as well.
Wondering what's it like to have that core.

I guess I'll just leave it up to fate...after thinking for so long and doing so many things, i think right now...

i should just take a break and see how it goes.

So, i got his aim message today and turns out that he was on and then said that i wasn't going to wait for him o.o

okay, i looked at the list for one hour and 30 minutes and i was doing nothing! plus...i was really tired and then when i didn't see him on at the time he usually goes on..

it was a sign.

*sigh* i waited for him every other time...that doesn't mean that he should keep me waiting all the time...

anyway...hopefully he knows that i love him with all my heart...