♥Daily Blog: Tunafish

Tuna has been accompanying me up until now.
My friends and close friends...ever since I met him, he has been my best friend and only person who accompanied me.

He's funny, smart, handsome, and helpful. The way he always kept me warm in the cold weather, the way he lets me cry in his arms...
He's really nice, a great person to be with.

In matters of the physical, he has been there for me many times.
But as a wonderful person he is, people would want to be with him.

Let me love you from afar.

I want to smile with him knowing that I'm the only girl he's smiling with.
I want to be happy in his car knowing that I'm the only girl he's ever driven.
I want to make love to him knowing that the only girl he's close with is me.
I want to go to school knowing that he's not hanging with any girl, talking to any girl...I want to go to school without wondering about that.

Maybe I sound ridiculous.
But this is what I need.
It is instinct that I cannot stand it.

I want him and me to be happy like before...to only have each other...
We were both so happy before, have we not?

We have gone to many places together...having formal meals and casual meals.

He was so romantic before, but not anymore.
I'm not being asked to a dance or anything....yet all my life..i've always dreamed of being ask by someone I have feelings for.
I have never received beatiful wrapped roses by someone I love.

Roses wilt eventually...but...
some things are really romantic and...i'm always very happy by romantic things...

I am fortunate enough to be with such a talented guy...but...
even if i receive the materials that i need and want...

in the end...i'm not very rich because...i don't have him.
If I could have all of him and have a genuine happiness with him...no matter how easy or hard life is..
Then I would be indeed rich.

He's not coming to me...rather...i'm afraid that i'm coming to him...

He hasn't said the right words, the right things
He's not back.

Even though he wanted to hang out with me on Saturday...how long will this go?
Right now...he's not in school, so it may be easier for him to think, etc.

but once he's back in school, he will continue to break promises.

I don't know how long I can continue...

In a way...I wonder if I should just break it off once he goes back to school second semester...

He knows that I won't let him go...that I love him very much...

But how many times have I seen him with another girl?
How many times have I heard that he's hanging with girls?
Encounter and encounter..
one girl after another.

Stop it.
I cna't do it anymore.

Be with me or without me.
I have tried to be with him in all that I can...being with him even though I knew he was breaking his promises and lying to me.

Yet...

Is he ever going to admit and apologize?
Apparently no, as far as I can see.
Is he really going to say the right things? Do the right things?
Has he realized anything yet?

"I want to do what I want and have you be fine and happy about it."

for a guy to say that...interesting...

Isn't it supposed to be the other way around..? Where the guy should be okay with the girl doing what she wants?

I'm not that type of girl...does he even appreciate me?

If he is still not coming back then...

I have to go.

He can't have both ways...

This is something that I can't do with. I honestly want to be with him and walk with him...
But he took a different direction.

Is apologizing not a necessary thing?

If he wants to be with me...he'll come back.

Sometimes I wonder if he really wants to throw everything away JUST to be with girls.

Thinking about how he lied to me about that he's keeping his promises...hurts me so much.
Thinking aobut how he broke his promises to me just pains me so deep.
Thinking about how...he doesn't even realize anything

Just pains me more.

Had he not broken his promises
Had he not lied...
Had he been the same...

Our lives would be so happy...

I just...cant do this...as long as I'm uncertain about him.
I can't even go to dances, because he won't be there.
I have to ask...

Is he back? He hasn't even said anything right...done anything right...said and done anything that showed me that he realized some things on his own...

Nothing. and yet...i'm coming to him now?

No. I'm a girl....either he comes to me or not...
I have done so much...and yet everything i do...doesn't seem to give him an idea of how much i love him and how much i cherish us.

How did it ever come to this? I never thought that i'd be dealing with this issue...
I thought...

.....................................

Why...is this so hard...

So many girls.

Yet I'm more loyal to him than he'd ever expected.

I came back to him last time, have i not?
apologized without knowing that he wanted and needed an apology.

realizing things that he wanted and needed me to realize...

But this time...I'm not the one who changed...I'm not the one...doing anything wrong anymore...

loving too much...
wanted a lover to keep his promises and be honest...wanted him to just be with me...

was it wrong...to want such things...?
To want a relatoinship that is full of love and commmitment...was that so wrong of me...

I'm so tired.
exhausted.

If he doesn't want to be with me anymore, heck...i'll just let him go...

i mean...isn't that what he want?

If he has changed this much and lied to me without feeling hurt that he lied to me...

if he broke promises and didn't feel any pain about it...

lol.

How can you say that you love someone when you hurt them on purpose?

Seriously...we were so happy before...was that not enough?
To dance together...to laugh together...to enjoy the together times...

To just have each other...to kiss passionately...
To want to do more for the other...

was that not enough?

He even told me that i have to ask him to get napkins for me, wth...
He's not thinking of me anymore.

Does my opinion even matter?

Seriously, he changed. It's kind of funny how he wants to throw all the things that could be, should be, and would be...

All the things that he and i are capable to create together...

It's funny how he wants to turn away from me...

When he and i have dreams to be together, travel, etc.

Who IS this guy?
Why do I love him so much...to the point where I find myself having to let go because he changed?
To the point where I have changed to be a better person for him..

Who Is that guy?

Why am i crying so much...
If I can have any gift in the world...forever...one gift in my lifetime...

It would be going back in the summer, and live in it forever with him.
That makes me happy. That makes him happy.
Because if i'm happy, i make him happy.
And if he's happy, he'll make me happy.
And a happy couple will bring smiles to those who are crying...
because he and i would be spreading our love and happiness around...
Giving everyone hope...that someday they'll find their person and experience what he and i have...

I wish to go back in summer.
And live in it forever.

I want to be with him too...I want to live with him in the future...etc.

But lotto? But having to ask him now? No more romance? No apologies?


He's beginning to change further.
Before...my opinions matter...and he was so funny and kind to my needs.

Many times I see myself sleeping beside him...hugging each other...giving each other warmth...

I'm willing to compromise and try my best to not give him so many problems...

But...he has to be the same person again...
the person who cares about my opinions...who does things for me without requiring me to ask him...

If he's the same guy...why would i have to let him go regardless of how much i truly love him?
Am i that crazy to hurt myself more?

I wonder...where is that amazing guy going...

"If you really love somebody, set them free. If they really love you, they'll come back."
*sigh* i've come back to him many times...

now it's time to see...would he do the same...
I never wanted this. I just wanted to be with that guy who used to be there.
To feel secure, happy...
and to give more love to him...to be with him and enjoy the love that's in the air..