♥Daily Blog: A Quagmire (Pt.2)

The formula for success in a relationship is no other than to express that the most important feature of the bond is that it has never lost the sense of romance that bloomed when the two people first met.

We struggle to teach each other on how to love us. In that struggle, we often forget how to appreciate the love that we each already give the other as only we can give it. There are two parts to a gift...the giving and the accepting.

Despite the fact that I have made mistakes before...
I feel free now, because each day...I strive to become better...
Back in the summer...I have always appreciated the love that he gave me...
He left me a memory, a part of him...that I will always cherish...
the only difference is...
Something/someone that used to be there is gone.

Many times...I'm not sure...if he really appreicates the things I do for him...
Although he's always there for me when I need him for transportation...
In truth...all I needed...all i wanted was him.

There's a difference between a present and a gift. A present is a thing, but a gift is broader and often intangible. It is a small act of kindness, the willingness to bend to another's needs, the sacrifice of time and effort. Love is a gift.

My love...IS a gift to him...
I have been kind and let things slide...but then...if he knows what i'm doing for him and takes advantage of it...
I'm not wiling to continue.
I have been willing to bend to his needs...I have always sacrificed my time and effort for him.
I have sincerely apologized and acted upon my words.
My love IS a gift for him.
My expressions have been freely given ...an offering from my heart.

And...what does it mean to be a lover?
Presence is more than just being there...
What does it mean to be a lover? It is more than just being married to or making love to someone. Millions of people are married, millions of people have sex, but few are REAL lovers. To be a real lover, you must commit to and participate in a perpetual dance of intimacy with your partner.

You are a lover when you appreciate the gift that your partner is, and celebrate that gift every day.
Looking back in time...I have very much appreciated every piece of him. I didn't love him for his promises. I love him for him...because he was amazing...and truly loved me enough...
to really do such thing.
Perhaps the best gift that the amazing guy has ever given me is he himself.
He himself...and the gift of summer. Each day I grew happier...closer to him. I trusted him with my heart...and I stayed loyal to him...

Though I didn't mean to ask for a ride from his friend yd...it was wrong for me to do...maybe it's fine to him...but not to me.
Because...i wouldn't want to see him with another girl in the car.
But...if he truly loves me...he shouldn't mind...loving me more...
Even for the things that I do wrong...he shouldn't do them just because i do them.
But then again...knowing me...
I was crying...over him.

You are a lover when you realize that nothing that happens between you will be insignificant, that everything you say in the relationship has the potential to cause your beloved joy or sorrow, and everything you do will either strengthen your connection or weaken it.
You are a lover when you understand all this, and thus wake up each morning filled with gratitude that you have another day in which to love and enjoy your partner.
When you have a real lover in your life, you are richly blessed. You have been given the gift of another person who has chosen to walk beside you. He or she will share your days and your nights, your bed and your burdens. Your lover will see secret parts of you that no one else sees.
He or she will touch places on your body that no one else touches. Your lover will seek you out where you have been hiding, and create a haven for you within safe, loving arms.
Your lover offers you an abudnance of miracles every day. He has the power to delight you with his smile, his voice, the scent of his neck, the way he moves. She has that power to banish your loneliness. He has the power to turn the ordinary into the sublime. She is your doorway to heaven here on earth.

I have chosen to walk beside him, not follow him.
He and I...we found our way, had we not?
Why must take a different direction?
I wonder if he'll ever feel the pain that I feel..
Will he understand the pain...and love me enough to bring me back that amazing guy?

Trying to find that amazing guy is like trying to find the comet that was in the night sky last spring.

No matter what lies ahead, the best years of my life would and should have been with him.
Why are you gone?

With you, my knight...you and i...everything was natural , almost inevitable. First we were lab partners. Then we were friends. Then we were close/best friends. Then we were lovers.

Regarding to summer, that was my fairytale. I was living in that fairytale, and now I've been abandoned in the wild forest.

Little does he know...
I want to kiss him.
i really love him. too much. very much.
But...why won't he love me the same way?

To love is to care about the other more...to not do what may hurt that person's feelings.
To love is to be concern, to not be selfish...but to love freely and unconditionally.
To love is to mend.

Certain things...I want him to do..things that I want him to want to do...

But it's never going to happen, isn't it?
Is it really that hard?

This Christmas....

if I were to think for myself...
This Christmas...

I want my gift to be him, that amazing guy to return.
That's all I want. for myself.

That's all.

Dear Santa Clause,

I would like to have my amazing guy find his way to me again...and never leave me ever again.

-Jen

But to know that whether he's back or not...certain things he needs to do...certain things...i wish he wants to do...
But...what can i do...

what can i do...

except slowing down my pace...
I won't be waiting for him, he'll take all the time and won't even care...

Is it really that hard...to be with only me?

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There's a couple...in which i read about...
apparently, the two could not see each other as much as they would have liked during the week.

However, on one random day, he bought a card and gave it to her. No special occasion. The card was just an expression of how much he loved her and how much he was thinking about her. He picked Wednesday for no special reason other than it was the middle of the week. Since that day, he has never missed a Wednesday..and she received a card from him every Wednesday, every week, every month, every year.
Even when she wakes up each Wednesday morning to find her card, even though she knows it will be there, she still lights up with excitement when she tears open the envelope and reads what is inside.

I wonder if i'll ever have the full improved amazing guy. But how cna i question about that...

when I don't have my amazing guy anymore
in the first place.