♥Daily Blog: This, I'll Remember

Whenever I put myself in that time again, I would always get this tingling feeling inside me.
How it all started...when it all started...

There wasn't any other reason except that it was meant to be that he and I were thrown to be with each other.

He really did love me.

No matter how long I wait, that guy just won't come back. The romance that I'm seeking...I'll never find.

The moments and the feelings that I wish to feel...I just don't feel because...nothing's the same.

I wish he and I can make love again...but I just can't...not when he has broken promises to me, realizes nothing...and is with...a girl...
Loving someone so much...yet I can't even have his commitment, loyalty, love.

I wonder if this is worth it.
To throw all that he and i have shared away...all the effort we put in together...the time...the love...the memories...
He just...doesn't love me like he used to.
No more romantic-ness...
broken promises..
lies...

and yet..
he treats trust and loyalty to be so important...

yet he treats the same things that i value...
like nothing.

I still remember that day, that moment...clear...so clear...and vivid..

We were cleaning up after school. I dumped the solutions carefully, trying to not get contact with the liquid.

However, my other lab partner got some of the liquid on my hand.

I gasped. But before I could say or think anything, I saw him grabbing a towel and dabbed it on the wet parts of my hand. He then cleaned up the mess after I took the towel away from him to clean myself.

Later...my hand and fingers were stinging. So I asked him if the solutions were okay. Apparently, they should be.

However, I felt the liquid eating me away.
Without hesitation, he grabbed my hand and opened the water in the sink.
Okay...so when he opened the water...i could have washed my own hand right?
However, he just took it...never let it go...and he washed my hand thoroughly...
Fingers...the spaces between my fingers and all...

I just stood there, with my hand out...dumbfounded.

Even my other lab partner had to say "okay...isn't that a bit too much"

I kinda blushed...i mean...

wow..

But it was a good feeling...I haven't felt it...in the longest time...
It was all happening so fast...
I never had time to think about...how much I like him...or...idk...I didn't even have to try to do anything to get close to him...

Somehow...

Fate just pulled us closer....somehow...
We were always together...

Somehow...he saved convos too...something that I myself thought it was RIDICULOUS.
But...he did it...he saved convos too...
And...he picked up my hints...

Of all the times he teased me...everytime I got mad and irritated...
He would put on this serious expression...

He really did care....
He was teasing...because he liked me...

I wonder...if he and i...will ever find that attraction again...

The first months after that...were so wonderful...such happy moments..happy first things...

And summer...summer...was amazing too...wonderful...
He wasn't...as romantic as before...but there was something else...his promises...

I remember...that even the LITTLE mistakes and accidents he did...he would apologize...and that made me happy because he truly cared about me...he didn't want to hurt me...

We were honest with each other...our communication was amazing...the way we solved our problems before going to bed...he really LISTENED to me.
We both valued honesty...thus...holding each other's trust...kept us strong...amazed us...
Because...we both hated lies and deceit...
To find a partner whom u can trust...it was truly a GIFT.

But right now...he isn't coming to me...haven't said nor done...what i'm looking for...

He's not coming back.

I've been nice...and patient enough...to not step on him and turn away...leaving nothing behind...

But...

Regardless of my love for him...I'm still the girl who values honesty with greatness...who values the act of keeping promises...big or small...

I am still...

Very much strong-willed and independent.

If he does not do anything to be with me....well then...he doesn't want to be with me.

One day he'll look back and say, "Damn, that girl really did love me."

It's sad isn't it?
When something of him and me could be and would be...
If he had reallly thought about it...

After all...I just want my life to be with him...happilly forever with him...be there for him when he can no longer walk...
Be there for him when he has asthma attacks...
Take bubblebaths with him
Travel to the amazing parts of the world with him...

Resting on his lap while he sits down and leaning against the cherry blossom tree.
Massaging each other...
Feeding each other...
Teasing each other...
Making love to each other...
Dancing together...
Still having dates together...
Helping one another...
Relieve him from stress about work...
Make him soup when he's sick...
Loving our pets together...

Just the thought of all that...makes me smile and cry.

This, I'll remember.