Route J

Finding my way home...

♥ Music

♥Daily Blog: A Single Teardrop

His kisses were empty...and he wasn't...thankful...appreciative...of what i did...nothing happened...i left myself...completely out there...and...he made...no comment on it...

He also...never finished reading the email...the email that I put every part of me in it...if i were him...i would finish it..on the first day...But...he's different now...i guess...there's no surprise, for there's no more effort from him...any longer...but..i hope...i'm wrong....even though...i know it may be true.

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t is mobile (12:31:19 PM)
NEJ is Beautiful xP
T (12:37:07 PM) : im here dear
Auto-response: J is away (12:37:07 PM)
finding a movie to watch because Naut is like super super awesome
J (12:37:11 PM) : k
J (12:37:12 PM) : hold up
T (12:42:22 PM) : yeah I bought it the other day thinking that u might need it. just in case I
T (12:42:44 PM) : * u know
J (12:45:08 PM) : haha thank you love except i'm scared to even break the tabs
T (12:46:35 PM) : dint break it just turn it and spray
J (12:47:30 PM) : but it said to press down to break the tabs in order to operate it...and plus i'm scared to bring it wherever i go bc heat is bad
T (12:53:05 PM) : lol no dear u teenage tan over a bit as in twist and the it allows u to push down on it. get it? xP
J (12:59:32 PM) : um..not really but okay...thanks
T (4:16:26 PM) : hey there dear im on lunch atm and I just wanted to say that I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!

His status...had used to be so sweet...so genuine...he put it there bc he wants to...but he loves it too....and he would leave me little messages while he's on break...

I used to smile and laugh whenever I read some of the old convos...but..now...there's a single teardrop that will come out...whenever I read this...

How I miss him so...

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Somehow, I feel empty, completely empty. Perhaps all that I have done...did nothing. Nothing changed back to the way it used to be.

Though I joke around and say something like "u better be alone," somewhere inside of me, I know that...he's not alone.
I would give up everything so that my instinct is wrong.
But what can I do? He has changed. College...had separated us, but I still can't believe that he allowed it to happen...after all the times when he assurred me that "our summer will continue"
By summer...I meant him...all that he had done for me. For once...I thought he and I were really heading the right path...but...all of a sudden, he changed his route.
Even...when there were problems, he used to fix them...tried to...he had that willingness and focus in him. He cared. He honestly cared.
He's with friends now...perhaps...he's flirting with girls...but I will never know...and even if i do know, there's nothing I can do.

The bracelet that I have worked so hard on...I wasn't good with hands...picking a pattern...changing my ideas...tying the bracelet and retying it....I worked so hard on it...worked hard for us.
I even bought the cell phone accessory for him. He lost that once...but he tried so hard...so hard...to find it...and he knew I would be hurt...it meant a lot to him.
But now? He lost both of what I bought and made for him...and...it doens't even affect him....
A couple bracelet. A couple cell phone accessory. He lost both...

And he has lost the guy who was dedicated to me...to the relationship.
No longer...does he sign on aim with his mobile...he's busy...
Even now...I am afraid to sign on...afraid to face him...afraid to face this stranger before me...afraid to face the changes he's doing on there...

No more efforts.

I can never tame him. He's not...afraid of me..afraid of me being hurt...he says i can whip him...but i can't...
Everything he does...no longer do they revolve around me...i can't tame him...he's not happy doing the things he used to do...
A girl who can tame her boyfriend/lover...has a gift for that. When he's willing to do whatever to make her happy and thinks of her whenever he does something, that's taming. When he listens to her and will take her perspective into view before his...that's taming.
Maybe...I'm not the person for him...and that's...where it really hurts....bc...he was there...he was so close...i just needed the core...and now...

I have nothing...

All of me
When all I get is half of you
Now tell me what am I supposed to do
If all I get is half of you
If all you give is half of you