♥Daily Blog: Pretend

It's been 22 hours since I've last eaten anything...
My sister couldnt wake me up. I was in a deep sleep...I was probably in my non-Rem sleep or whatever it's called...
I still feel...happy...but then some things...kind of turned that smile upside down for a few seconds.
And...one of those things is...I am hesitant to this one promise he made..the one promise that made me so happy back then.
All I know is...he's talking to this girl...for quite some time now. Though there is nothing, I am still bothered by it. He could be flirting and don't realize that...and I would never know. Or he could be just talking...but...I can't help...but be slightly hurt...
I'm not sure what I'm willing to see, that the promise is broken or not...I just know that I can never be happy like back then...as long as such new things like this...are happening. He talked...he waved...
Perhaps...he will never understand me, now would he?
As I sit here...knowing...observing....what can I do about it? Just...nod and smile...
Other...than that...
back to feeling...happy...
anyway...hm..perhaps that's why i had such a great nap! free from guilt, etc. just waiting for the result or results...
either way...
jen is proud of herself, partially genuinely happy, and sleepy.
She has given everything to the person whom she loves endlessly...
Whatever his choice may be...as long as it makes him happy...then...my goal...is accomplished.
no matter how hurt i may be...even though I know...the guy in the relatoinship should do more and care more...and watch his actions...
I know...I may never...receive that kind of attitude...that kind of treatment...
Maybe one day...maybe i'll dream about that one day...
I'm an overly sensitive person...maybe that's my most feminine side..and I just want...those feelings...be protected...in his hands...

But overall...my main reflection and feelings about my day...is the post previous to this one.

*yawns* back to sleep...

aim's acting weird...oh well...i left him a message before i signed off earlier already.