♥Daily Blog: Mundane

I had a nightmare.

But strangely, when I woke up, there was no pressure against my heart. So why did I get a nightmare? I was sweating and breathing heavily through my mouth.

It was very horrible indeed.

Was the dream a window to the future? I sure hope not.
Was the dream just created by all my insecurites and fears...and was it showing me what would break me the most?
Or was the dream showing me what is happening behind my back?

I sure hope...it's just a dream created by my insecurities and fears...I sure hope that it was just showing me that I'm still very much afraid...

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After seeing pictures of the princess and her boyfriend, I realized that my relationship with my own boyfriend is actually...well...mundane. I mean...the things we do...and the places we go...

They went to Malibu...went to see museums...a beautiful beach with the sunset...and they took loads of pictures...
So many beautiful scenes...a wonderful scenery...

But...

He and I...we don't go to places a lot...nothing exciting...I mean...as of now, I guess he can't drive me far and stuff...

But...even when we both go to college...once I'm 18, will the relationship be better? Will he take me to the most amazing places...seeing art galleries, spending time at a very beautiful beach until sunset...until night comes?

Or will he take me to the same places...over and over again...not doing much...

Because after all....seems like he always have to go home...not having a lot of time for me...

I...admit that I envy their relationship...she gets to go to so many places with her boyfriend. From musical concerts to museums...to a newwww area in the state...

Seriously...MALIBU???? That's so far away...and she gets to go on a long road trip with her lover...just the two of them...they...travel...

And even when...she wasn't in college yet...she gets to go to all these cool places...faraway malls...going shopping...hanging out in ice cream shops...going to the movies...

Her life is so exciting...

And...I feel like...I will never...have an exciting life...

Though he and I can't travel far right now...but...how come...we don't see anything interesting? I love the old things too, but I don't want just the same things..

I want to be able to take many candid pictures of he and I...genuine smiles...

Exploring the world within our limits...

I wish...I can move out so badly...but...I'm not rich...I can't afford a dorm...

I want to be free to do what I want...live the life how I picture what life should be...

But even now...

My lover seems to still be...

A mother's boy.

And for now...though I'm under 18, I understand that I can't do anything like traveling with him, etc.

But then..already...there's nothing exciting...like...he doesn't seek to do anything exciting...there are limits...but...he doesn't seem to strive to get right under the limit...instead...we don't do anything much at all.

So what happens when I go to college? Will the relationship finally be a REAL relationship? a relationship where a couple shares interests and find fun things to do?

Because...I really...really...wish I can be as fortunate as her...but...unlike her love life...

My own lover is actually my best friend too...which is something unique

He's nineteen...almost 20...

and yet...i'm still not number 1

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this episode sent me crying...especially the last part =/ he was the one crawling back...*sighs*