♥Daily Blog: And I (Pt.2)

he was sweet in the afternoon...

but...the convo was...interesting

simply straightforward...nothing that sweet though...nothing gentle...it's like

i'm only his buddy? um...

so...everytime i go home...waiting for him while doing something else...then when i fell asleep...he went on...

when he's not there...didn't let me know...

keeping me there....trying to spare time to talk to him...

he's not even there...

and if he's gone...didn't even let me know...so know...

what am i to do? so drowned out...

sometimes i'm confused...he's sweet today...but...this morning he was gentle...idk...so confused...

been thinking too much...happy but...i'm not sure right now.

i guess...he just likes to make me wait, go without leaving a message

and he used to do all that...

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Well...what can I say? i tried to be optimistic and thought that he was sleeping and like..he overslept

then again..turned out that he was doing hw...

so um..yeah...idk how many confirmations i need but...i guess here's another one to add to my list

i mean...if i talked and he didn't reply...wouldn't i check back to see if he does...and then talk to him for a bit and then do hw?

idk...if i were to not care that much...then...i would do the same thing that he did just now...talking...then leave

if i were to just not care at all...if that's the only way...to accept this...then...perhaps...i shouldn't care this much...

feeding him and doing the little cute things that i love to do...

to go home and be greeted, then left alone for hours...while i'm sitting here checking every five minutes to see if he replies...

would one reply hurt?

well...whether i'm right or not...

though i don't know for sure...

all i know is...i'm just not appreciated...

i want him to want to do things...i want him to want to be romantic...

but...i can't do it...i guess i just want the good things to happen naturally...

what's the use of explaining to him how i felt just now...

what's the use...because...if i say anything.....idk...

all i know is...i'm just not loved more...i mean...look here...i have to...keep it in...who's going to blow up if anything? he is...so really...

i know...who loves more...but i just...dono't know...why does it hurt so much...to be...loving someone who just doesnt love you more

...wouldn't it had been nice to at least reply...or if anything...let me know that he'll do hw?

he wants me to respect his homework...yet he doesn't even respect mine...

is it really my fault that i waited? to him, probably it IS my fault. really...he knows me better than this..

i put him first and making his mind at ease is what i want....

but he just doesn't really care about me...

there is no comparision between me and homework but...apparently his hw is more important than simply to just let me know that he's there?

no clue...though i did some hw...i couldn't really focus bc...idk...no reply...seriously...

why do i have to go through this if he does truly love me and care about me on the emotional level?

would it hurt to just talk to me? just a few minutes? respond? wait for me? check to see that i respond? and then after that, let me know that he'll do hw? or if he'll be away...wouldn't it be nice to let me know?

rather than to enjoy keeping me waiting?

heck, if he had cared at all...and at least done one of the two options...i would have gotten most of my hw done.

but no....

my stupid long a$$ messages are not even worth to read, acknowledge, defend

perhaps there's no need to defend...perhaps there's no need to defend that what i think is wrong and that i am worth to know the truth...

and why? because...there's no reason to defend....if everything i've said...was correct

*yawns*