♥ Daily Blog: Observing

The dress that I saw last time at Brea was actually the Perfect one for my senior picture.

However, size 7 was too big. Apparently, there was a size three at Brea. I guess it wasn't meant to be for me to have that perfect dress.

When choosing clothes nowadays, I try to pick black and white colors...dark colors...classic ones...mainly because he likes those colors and idk. I don't think I'm his perfect girl, and I'm pretty sure that his perfect girl will dress in those colors...

he left today without leaving a message...

and now he's online using his cellphone. wonder why.

black jeans...black pants...can't get them while mother got some for my sis.

i need a black skirt...so i can dress formal...that's what his perfect girl will dress like...right...

also need "arb" and "seitnap" .........

my "arb" was broken and dead months ago. now...wearing it is like not wearing it at all...

mom won't get me a "pu-hsup arb"

looks like they will sag before i even get old

i gained weight. 113lbs

i hate that summer trip. i got fat. coco tore my favorite jeans.

i'm not sure why i'm crying but...all i know is that i don't really have a "arb" that really is a "arb"

not even sure if he liked that hello kitty purse he got me for my birthday.

i now don't think his perfect girl would be interested in hello kitty things as much as i do.

why is he on right now...he can't even talk to me...i'm not even on for long...just my luck...that girl is on too...

she's everywhere...his phonebook...buddylist...his ds games...

sometimes i wanted to try and make a fake sn and aim him up to see if he'll really reply..but...i can't do it because...i'm afraid that i will receive my answer and it will hurt me...i know that he will..and i'm afraid to confirm what i know...

things are getting a bit...rocky...and he might be doing things again...i see myself walking the same road...

he's stressed out..no matter how many times he denies it....i don't take his answer because he made me believe that he was alright back then and he wasn't.

and in the end....he hurt me so badly...

i sometimes wonder....what is there for me to do...what does he need to do....for me to trust that he's keeping his promises....

this isn't coincidence...this isn't...something is going on...