♥ Daily Blog: Because (pt.2)

The movie If Only is such an amazing movie. I can't believe that I finally found the movie that applies sooo much. I've found the perfect last attempt to contribute to saving this relationship.
If nothing happens, I'm just going to let it be.
I just want a happy relationship for him and me, and I'm trying. However, sometimes I think that I'm more of a guy than a girl. My point is...I don't feel like I'm a princess or super duper duper lucky.

After thinking through things again, I realized that he has done a lot for me. He made me promises and kept them and is and will continue to keep them (I hope). I'm glad for the things he had done for me.

I'm absolutely happy that there are no more bunnies.

I do appreciate for all that he has done. He is truly an amazing lover in several ways.

However, misunderstandings and lack of communication are problems now. The reason to misunderstandings is that he refuses to feel what I feel and be there for me. Kind of obvious.
Lack of communication due misunderstandings...trust issues due to a certain period in the past AND because he refuses to be there for me, etc.

So all these problems occurred from one single problem/factor.

I'll let him figure it out. I'm sure he knows already, and whether he wants to do something about it, that's up to him.

The priest said something interesting today. "When you're with someone, at first, you admire all these wonderful qualities of that person. But in the end, you love the person and not the qualities."

Anyway...sometimes I wonder...if right now, he doesn't treat our special days special, then our marriage years one day won't be special either.

I value our special days. How can he not?

I dream so much....I just wish my fantasies will come true. I want to have candlelight dinners, dates at an italian restaurant (or something fancy), riding on horses with him, and taking walks with him at night.

Whether we're 20,30,or 60...I hope he will keep this relationship with youthful love.

I want to cuddle with him on a sofa watching a movie near the fireplace.

I want to dance with him and go to balls. I want my life to be like those beautiful romantic movies...I even find HSM to be one of the most beautiful romantic-ish movie for kids.

I want us to be still holding hands lovingly throughout the years. I want him to escort me, and stay close to me. I want us to still kiss affectionately and hug affectionately. I want the spark to continue to grow and be there.

Even now though...we don't always hold hands...I'm afraid...I wonder..what will become of us?

I want the core from him...I do...and I also love romantic gestures, etc. To me, they contribute a lot to the relationship.

I look at the present, and I wonder about the future.

I don't want our relationship to fade in romance like the majority.

I don't want our relatoinship to be like the majority. I want it to be unique and special.

Already...I think it is strong...stronger than many...because he and I still can talk.
Even when I try not to tell everything, I still do. I just can't hide things from him. He's my best friend...he's everything to me.

But...what is this to him? What am I to him? What will become of us...

Sometimes I wonder...