♥ Daily Blog: New Me

Masking my emotions have been working smoothly.

Ah yes...of course of course...

I can't find these lovely missing vaccination papers and will get into a big beautiful trouble today.

Ah yes...of course...the past is the past...so each day we should not care what we do because the next day we would say, "It's the past."

If that's the case, let us hurt each others' feelings and break promises.

Ah yes, he must have indeed agreed that I deserved to be hurt so severely. Ah yes...he knew how chem was to me and yet that last day in chem with him just had to end poorly.

Ah yes, I needed all the hurt I can get.

I do not deserve to have my feelings be well considered over.

I hurt him and I apologized. He felt good and could forget the past. Plus I didn't mean to and PLUS i love him.

He hurt me intetionally and did not care to apologize, for "oh, there was nothing wrong." Plus, I deserved it. Plus, "she won't leave me."

So a certain period is destroying me, and he tells me to talk to him and yet absolutely does nothing and instead watches me suffer over the hurt that he has caused out of his own hands.

Though I forgive him, I am haunted by those memories.

Yet, I am left there, being forced to deal with them and if not, it would be my fault.

It's like a child coming to his/her mother saying, "I'm hurt."

Mother says, "Oh I see. Well, it'll heal." She walks away.

Rofl.

I'm afraid my tone in writing is heading towards a bad direction.

Then again, i'll be as happy as ever.

yes, thank you for all those horrible times. i loved them. they will now haunt me for the rest of my life.

on the bright side, at least he finally has one perspective that i've been trying to get him to see.

but what he should know is that...in order to get something out of the way, one must make an effort to get it out of the way and not put little effort and expect it to go away on its own.

though he says he keeps his promises, i mentioned yd that "you might be talking to someone" and then he refuses to answer that and says that he needs to go.

so like, yeah. is he even keeping his promises?

still insecure as ever

he doesnt even keep what he plans.

we makes plan and we try to carry them out.

he tries to outdo me? he hasn't.

now, i'm scared that he'll be talking to her.

ugh. see? i'm haunted by the past and who knows....i might be right.

this decision is final. i leave.

packing all night tonight. whoo.

secret lifeeee~

and eating special k crackers. yum.