♥ Daily Blog: R.I.P Tofu

I slept for an hour, woke up late, but it turned out that he had car trouble. I thought he would take me out for breakfast, so I didn't bother eating a snack. However, plans changed...he picked me up at nearly noon and he wanted to go to an asian place to eat, but eh...I didn't feel like eating. So we went to the park. Clearly...he did not regret nor did he felt bad about the things that he had done to me. Clearly, that was my answer. Now I know...

I then went home to get my teeth cleaned. My teeth improved.

Meanwhile, he went to get our photosticker pictures laminated and went to hang at his friend's house.

I came home and called him. I gave the water bottle to Tofu to drink and he drank with happiness.

Then I put him in a ball, carried his leftover food, and his water. I walked out and waited for T.

T didn't show up. I sat there with Tofu, holding the ball still. No one came. I was suffocating from the heat, so I took Tofu inside the house. My sister then said that T called. I came out, pissed. He was always late. One of these days, I might be kidnapped because T didn't pick me up on time...

T left Tofu on the bottom of the car in the ball. While he was driving, the ball rolled roughly and I saw Tofu being rolled over as well. I took the ball up right away and put it next to me. Five minutes before we reached Norm's, he was fine...still scratching me. His fetus was on his back.

When we came to the parking lot, T insisted on petting Tofu. That's when we found something wrong with Tofu.

Tofu was limp. I thought he was dead. His heart was still beating though. T rolled the hamster over. He tried to feed him and let him drink the water. No response.

We immediately decided to rush to the pet hospital near my home. However, we found another pet hospital nearby. I rushed inside. Apparently, the hospital was mainly for cats and dogs.

Tofu began to move a bit. I was a bit relieved at the time. There was a hospital for hamsters but it costs 85 bucks for an emergency and 58 bucks for an appointment. Shocked by the cost, we decided to just check up on Tofu at the current hospital.

The vet was very nice. She took his temperature and checked his body. His temperature was lower than normal...

Anyway we decided to give him a vitamin injection.
After that, Tofu seemed fine again.

But then...T seemed to be worked up over his lost credit card. I was concerned over Tofu, for he was feeling down again. T didn't seem to care but was frantically searching for his card. Finally, it turned out that the card was at his friend's house. Then, T finally shifted his focus back on the hamster (our "son").

I felt exhausted. Nothing went right today...and I was looking forward to today so badly...my plans were ruined...once again...

So...I ended up taking Tofu home...i feel as if it was a mistake to take him out today...because T wouldn't take him...

Anyway, I went home and put him in his home...trying to feed him some water and food.

I began looking for the vaccination papers. A few minutes later, I checked on Tofu again. Mother came in and pet him. She was sad.

After Mother left, I picked Tofu up and used the eyedropper to feed him water.

A few drops went in his little mouth, however, this time his mouth was hard. He looked dead. But his heart was still beating faintly.

I set him on my desk for space. I cleaned out his box. However, my sister then said, "Hey, are you sure he's still alive?"

I looked at him. He looked dead but he looked dead before and was still alive. My guess was that he was still alive but very very tired and weak. His breathing was slower....and his heartbeat was beating every few seconds. I was scared. I picked him up gently, tried to feed him more water. This time, only one drop came in. The second drop was rejected.

Tofu's eyes were not moving.His body was still moving. His eyes seemed to have a faint life within them. I held him on my hand. My mom came in and said sadly, "Poor Tofu. This is what happens when you have pets. When they die, it's a very tragic scene."

My mom then went out. My sister and I watched Tofu died slowly. For five minutes, his heartbeat went from normal beating to abnormal beating. His breathing was...slowly disappearing. For the last three minutes or so, I concluded that he was dead. The moment my mother came in, she told me he was dead but I didn't want to believe that. I'm sure that he was somewhat alive...just...unconscious. Perhaps I was right.

During the last three minutes, his heartbeat was the only thing that was still somewhat alive. Tofu's back moved up dramatically and back down. It was as though his heart was jumping up and down every five seconds. I just sat there, watching his heart jumping up and down every five seconds. And everytime his heart went down, Tofu's mouth seemed to coughed up air. As the time came down to a minute left, his heart went up and down every eight seconds. And then...before I know it, his body gave one last jerk...making his body moved a bit...and after that....there was no more movement. I blinked my eyes. I waited. Nothing. There was no more breathing, no more heartbeat, no more life.

Tofu was officially dead.

My tears dropped incessantly. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and pet Tofu with my wet fingers from head to his tail. I gently kissed his head and said while sobbing, "I just want you to know that I love you very much. Though we've been together for only one month, you are irreplaceable."

I held his lifeless body for fifteen minutes. Tofu had died with his eyes open. It was as though he was shocked. I began to pet him all over. His cute little private parts, his adorable little hands and feet. There was still some warmth of his body. I nudged him with my face.

I touched his mouth once again...it was now hard and stiff. Still crying, I closed his little mouth. As the minutes passed, his body began to stiffen and harden. I held him up and saw that one of his legs were stiffed and crooked. I straighten that leg out and made it even. His little hands were cringed into a fist. I slowly smoothed his fingers out.

And then...I tried to close his eyes as much as I could. No matter what, however, his eyes were not completely closed. I did the best I could...and closed his eyes. His shocking expression became a sad expression. He wasn't sleeping. No, he was...dead. He was gone.

I prayed. It's okay now. He's in heaven now and he is happy. He is now free and can eat all the cheereos and flakes he want. He can drink all the pure water he wants...and can poop all over the place without worrying to have his home smelled.

My sister and I then took pictures of Tofu, dead. (ok this was before I closed his eyes,etc.) We took a picture of him lying on my hand next to his house...along with his wheel...old bedding in the trashbag...his food container...and his water...

Then...my sister took out a chuckie cheese cup (w.e. spelled) and used it as a coffin. We took a pretty blue paper and put it at the bottom of the cup. Then, I took some new bedding and put it on top of the paper. Next, I poured his leftover food on the bedding...the food he had chewed on but did not finished...

I then put some new cheerios and his other favorite food. Finally...I put Tofu into the cup...and covered him with more new bedding. And with that, we went downstairs...ripped two pieces of newspaper and wrapped it as a cover for the top of the cup...and I put a strong rubber band around it.

Then...I dug a whole that was deep enough between my two rose bushes. I had to avoid the thorns...it was very risky of getting hurt. Anyway, I put the cup into the hole and covered it with dirt from all directions. I made sure the dirt was hardened. Then my sister took some leaves and dropped them over Tofu's place.

I still have Tofu's water...I'll pour it over his place tm morning...

Now..I'm hallucinating...hearing the wheel...when Tofu isn't there...I miss him so much...

The last time he rode the ball in my house was...for 10 seconds right before I took him out...

Did I kill him...?

pics to be added soon