♥ Daily Blog: Gaming

Im still gaming...it's fun...i think

*sigh* i was pressured to almost telling him what i want

then again...i didn't

the core has many parts...some of the few parts...i have listed in my last post (note to self: list written indirectly, put the list in journal when there is time for writing)

...the very center of that core (yes, center within center) is...something...and it's impossible to get it...bc i've noticed that even when he gave up something, it's being put to somewhere else.

i'll never get it...

but...what can i do?

at least...this is better...for now...

i'm not sure what holds in the future...but..as long as he doesn't feel what i feel and see what i see for once...what i really want...i will never get...

but...as for now...it's ok...i can suck it up and smile

besides, nothing i can do much...there are other parts in the core too...

but though that full core will never be succeeded...i'll try my best to be happy with the materials...and i'll try my best to smile no matter how disappointed i get whenever i know that getting that full core is...unreachable for me.

only he has the ability to reach it but...it's ok...if what's he comfortable with...isn't making me secure...

on the bright side...i actually love the dress and all the things he gave me...temporary happiness though...but i'll enjoy it. plus...i hope he will have a good amount of strength to go to work everyday

if ever i will come across a wishing star...maybe i can wish to get the full core...only then will i have permanent happiness and enjoy all the extras that he has to offer...

*sigh* i used to be know to be the "sunlight that eliminates all dark clouds"

um...i guess if i'm permanently happy IF there's a shooting star and it grants my wish...maybe he won't feel weak anymore bc i'll be too happy and i might eliminate his tiredness without knowing...

hm...but knowing that the full core is hard to get...and if i try being too happy...he'll know...

well....

i'lll just smile no matter what. i did suck up and breathe and smile even when i feel...um...different...so...if i can do that...

it can be a good sacrifice for this relationship...as long as he's happy with me...i am ok...i don't need to be happy...i don't have to be sad if i'm not happy....i can just be okay...

as long as i can take care of his well being...i am ok...

and i can always fight to smlie...knowing that what i really want, i will never get.

but that doesn't mean that i can't change my perspective and still bring joy to his life...

just bc...i can't get this one thing...this full core...this bursting happiness that will continue to burst forever...just bc i can't get it...doesn't mean that he cna't have his happiness...

hm...
back to games

~jen-jen