♥ Daily Blog: F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much for this morning's happy blog.

I'm on the verge of CUSSING ONE MILLION TIMES! FDKFJDFJDKFJKFJDKFJDKFJ

YES, I'M SITTING HERE AT MY DESK, WANTING TO BANG MY HEAD AGAINST IT SO BADLY.

GRRRRRR

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO MAD SINCE MONTHS!

FREAKEN CRYING RIGHT NOW

So like I planned to go to the gym in the morning but then Mother wanted to go with me. Basically, we came there at 1PM and guess what I found out while I was in the locker room! I was in such a hurry that I forgot to bring my shorts with me! Heh...and Mother was rushing me, asking me to borrow my shirt and stuff earlier.

jfkdjfkdfjfjdkfjdkfjdkfjdfj

I couldn't work out in JEANS! So basically, I had to leave and simply go to the bookstore. For the first time, I didn't have a good time at the bookstore. I was soo mad and pissed and I still am!

Having nothing to do, I walked around crying. I was so mad. No, I wasn't mad. I was FURIOUS. No I wasn't furious. I AM furious. To make matters worse, the bus didn't come until ONE HOUR later! I was sitting there, feeling all chubby and disgusting. It was 90 degrees out there too!!! fjdkfjdk

And I only sat there for fifteen minutes, because then two men came and sit down and started to smoke! Ugh. DISGUSTING. THE SMELL WAS HORRIBLE AND POISONOUS! I had to get up and walked ten feet away, but I STILL SMELLED IT. Okay, TWO men were smoking those yucky cigarettes. I couldn't go any further. So in other words, I was standing there breathing cigarette smoke instead of mainly oxygen. I feel so sick and dizzy. Ugh. Could things get any worse? Oh yes. Things DID got worse. As the cars passed by and since I was out in the open, standing on a very narrow sidewalk and far away from all people, men drove by and hollered at me >:| Okay, I could have been pulled inside the car many times! So I had to come closer to where the bus would stop and breathe in MORE cigarette smoke and it was much stronger!!!

So when the bus finally came, I got on the bus, found a seat, and sat down. Could things get any worse? YES. I had to scoot myself away from the man next to me, but on my other side, there was an old woman who smelled AWFUL! Yes, no offense but....she smelled! Either I want to get skin contact with the man next to me OR I have to breathe in the body odor from that old woman. So...I chose the old woman. After a few stops, the old woman got out and a man came in. Okay, now the body odor wasn't there anymore BUT this time, that man had a powerful cologne on...it was very strong...and I had to breathe in that smell. It was horrible! Not only was it a bad cologne smell but it was also soo strong.

My stop finally came. I transferred buses after a 15-minute wait.

Some dude was running with a bright oversize, unbuttoned collared shirt with bright shorts. He was running back and forth while we were all waiting for the next bus. Strangely, he kept saying to himself "Good day" repetitively and he had a joyful look on his face.

jkdjfkjdfk So there I was, pissed off and furious while this man was running back and forth enjoying himself. Bleh. I wish I can see today as a good day...but...idk...it's a very very terrible day.

When I came home....I realized that I DID NOT bring my house key. So there I was, standing in front of my door, ringing the bell nonstopping. No one was home. I waited for 35 minutes until my mother came home.

fdjdkfjdkfjd freaken lame

And now...I can't even work out a little bit at home because I have to teach my mother today for two hours.

............

My bus pass expires today and my mother would NOT get me a new one. So today was like...MY LAST DAY to go to the gym! And my gym pass expires on July 20th!

This whole week...I only worked out once! I couldn't go yesterday because I had to stay home for my sister...

fjdkfjdkfjdkf So I only worked out ONCE for this week! And now...I can't even go work out! fjdkfjdfdkj

stupid. lame. f***! ugh. darn it. i'm sooo pissed.

why can't i have a super fast metabolism like my sister >.< seriously, i wouldn't have to go to the gym everyday to get in shape. heck, even if i don't go to the gym, i would still be in shape!

I despised myself right now. I know i should love myself...but seriously....i really care about my appearance right now...I really want to be in shape and get the image that I want for myself. I had plans for this summer and now....they're all gone.

So now what? LOL ima go anorexic and i don't care.

i'm so mad.

i'm so mad that everything is ruined.

today i ate 1000 calories bc i thought i could go work out. this is so stupid. I planned to work out for 5 hours today...and now...no more work out ever.

no bus pass

gym pass will soon expire

no money

heck, NO JOB.

i'm crying right now, wishing there is a way out to all of this mess...

i hate being fat. i AM fat. i'm all wobbly and ugh. so much fat.

i'm so out of shape.

heh...that's it. plan B - go anorexic. ha! whatever. i'm too mad right now...and if i can't go to gym...i'll just go skinny the unhealthy way. it's still a plan and at least i can stick to that.

on weekdays, i eat 500 calories or less.

on weekends, i eat 700 calories max.

heh i'm going to pull two all nighters a week.

haha...that plan doesn't sound so hard.

two pounds per week and an ugly face.

too angry...too mad...nothing to do...

all i can think about is getting in shape.

...i don't even have money for the 3-month gym thing...where can i get 79 bucks or whatever? .....no bus pass....the bus is my only ride...gym pass will expire soon...

no work out today.

fjdfjdfj

i'm so freaken pissed off.

no job too.

jdfdfkjkkjkjkdfjdkfjd

july's ending soon.

screw my school plans. might as well start anew in another place.

dkjfdkfjdkfjdkfjdkfjkdjdkjfdkfjdfdkjfkdjfdkd

~jen-jen