♥ Daily Blog: Decisions....and Decisions

I woke up today and a thought came to me.

Senior year.

I want it to be enjoyable. I want to get straight A's.

One of my friends, L, told me something that made me think.

"I rather get A's in my AP classes than to get more B's."

Suddenly, I realized that although I really want to have Mr. Frey as my teacher, perhaps I should just go to English 4H. Figurative language isn't my forte. Although I love to write and although I enjoy poems, my skills aren't good enough, and I definitely want to take baby steps into strengthening those skills. I do not want to risk failing that class. I chose English 4H in the first place for a reason. Perhaps I can use that once the registration day is here.

As for my Spanish class, I'm very undecided. I might not want to take the class at all. I love Mr. Zuluaga, but....seeing what happened last year, I don't know.

I had an A+ for that class (: I'm very happy, but....from the beginning of the year, I had hoped to receive an award for it...instead...I didn't and even most of my peers looked at me in surprise.

I don't know what happened.

I enjoy running errands for my teacher though. He always asked me to come to him and would say something like, "Would you be so kind to run next door and ask __________ for me? I trust you. You're a very honest person."

lols

I simply love spanish.

But I want to have straight-A's this year....presentations in Spanish take a lot of time for me to perfect it and have good rehearsal. However, even though if I take all these classes and make it to a cal state, I'm not sure if I can even go due to money, etc. I know for a fact that I'm going to a community college anyway. I don't really care how people would judge me, though I admit that my self-esteem would definitely go down. However, I need to save money. There are things that I need to accept.

One : undecided college and career
two: i get stressed out super easy...sooo...if i go to cal state or a uc right after hs, who knows what i might do if i get stressed to the point where all my senses are blocked.
three: novel and some music done. once i go to a uc or cal state, i won't have any time for those. i started this novel and my music since i was eleven years-old. I want to complete something that was started from my childhood.
four: i want to enjoy my senior year.

five: i will earn money to buy books. I can learn more spanish on my own. the more time i have, the more i have time to learn the things what i want to learn.

six: japanese. it's time to get those japanese words into my head.

seven: i want to enjoy life. simple as that. i don't know when i'm going to die. i don't know when my parents are going to die. I don't know when my sister will die. I don't know when the people that i love will die. What I know is this: if one day, i lose someone, i don't want to regret that i never took the time to spend with that person as much as possible. I realized that with a load of schoolwork for the past few years, i completely isolated myself into this dark world. i want to take the time and enjoy my hs year for once. I'm only in hs once in my life, and I want to enjoy this year as much as possible.

eight: 0-4 periods. whoo! so....more time for homework! must get straight-A's....idc how easy my classes appear to be...i just want A's. they look pretty on my transcript =D furthermore, i am still challenging myself.

nine: challenge - finish novel. idc if it's unimportant. however, if i get it done, it's an accomplishment that i'm going to be so proud of myself. that is my goal.

ten: i pray and pray that i can lower my english class and take out my spanish class.

anyway...who knows...i might want to open my own store one day (: hm...but what do i want to sell?

hm...bookmarks! cute things! i should learn how to make things better...and perhaps i can get a book about enterprenship (or whatever spelled).

hm...maybe i can open up a small business, publish my book, record my first song, AND get straight-A's

omgosh...life seems good...

>:] *sigh* this may seem selfish of me, but i'm creating my own luck. After all, successful = satisfaction of everyday in life.

and i plan to sing in the church as a soloist.

i want to be talented in the things i love...and then i can bring happiness to the ppl who are stressed out.

i want to live a life in which i can share with ppl and inspire them.

i have so many philosophies....i tell myself to do things...and now it's time to take action.

most of all, i'm not sure if the love of my life will be pleased with my decisions, but if he loves me, i hope he understands.

i guess i have my own way of achieving things in life.

he inspires me a lot though.

the way he slacks off actually inspires me to take time for myself. before i met him, all i could think was getting my work done and stressing out like crazy. I still put perfection in my work, but i've learned to just let it go if the work that i put so much work in doens't pay off. furthermore, though i should challenge myself in school, i've decided to challenge myself with life.

i know what i like and i know what i want.

there is no way that i'm going to let society tell me how to achieve in life.

i'm going to get there somehow and someway but at my own pace.

this is my life and the only life i have. i want to live it in my own way.

In a way Tuna has helped me realized many things. The moment he offers me support, I realized that maybe my dream in the career and my dream of life can be achieved.

The best thing that happened to me was that my main dream came true. My main dream was love. My main dream was my soulmate. My main dream was him. My main dream IS him and will always be. It came true and if I can achieve that big dream, perhaps i can achieve the smaller dreams that I have in life.

(: jen-jen