♥ Daily Blog: Disguised

Sometimes I wish he would stop treating me as if I don't know anything.
I was humiliated today at his old work place. I came by and asked politely. The boss' face was not cheered up but rather hard to tell. I wasn't sure if he was mad or sad. Or was he pitying?

He shook his head and said, "I can't do that." Why wouldn't T believe me? I knew that I cannot take his work money for him. Heck, not even his mother can. Only he can and he should be responsible to come and pick up the money himself. Furthermore, the boss wanted to talk to him. It was his job and nobody else's. I felt embarrassed. I know what can I ask and I know what I can't. Why does my lover insist on asking the most obvious questions and even suggest a "code"? This is a work place. There is no time for games.

I walked out of the store and I felt a bit bad for the boss. Even his employee's face turned from a polite expression to a straight expression when I mentioned T's name. I guess...the boss really liked T and found good potential in him. To be honest, I actually know how that man feels. To have found a student employee with so much talent, yet he is irresponsible. I mean, if T can't handle it, he might as well come to his boss face to face and talk about the situation. At least...he should be polite to the man rather than ditching the job. I mean...didn't the man bought food for him? The man may be a boss, but he does have a heart.

I don't really care if T criticizes me for analyzing, etc. I look at things, and I just know. Perhaps not exact but I do know a hint of it. Many times I can't find the right words to use, but I am always right. I just know.

Lately, I look at my lover, and I'm not sure if I recognize him anymore.

Now he's in a crowded place with both gender employees. Furthermore, the place is far. I'm not sure if he's still the guy that I've fallen in love with. I know I have issues with my own self right now...but I'm still me. I still take my work seriously. I am still quiet. I still keep my promises and do as I say. I'm still me. I still have the basics of myself.

But now...I'm not sure if I want to believe what is real or what is not.

Then again...I'm trying to change myself...I guess even if I don't want to...I have to...otherwise...he won't be happy...and even when I have changed, he's probably happier. I wish that I don't have to hide my emotions and disguise myself, but...i'm pretty sure he won't notice or care. Maybe this change will be better for him. But before anything...I'll show him the real happy me on Monday and at the same time hiding my true feelings. After that, I'm a whole new different person who will mask her emotions. I'll be someone whom he won't need to be stressed over anymore. He doesn't have to care anymore. (then again, he doesn't care that much right now). And he will see that new person on Tuesday morning. I need time...to change.

What's the point of blogging right now anyway? Everything I have to say, everything that's been on my mind...everything with my mood lately....all the things I have to say have been typed up in my yesterday's blog.