♥ Daily Blog: Kaching pt.3

After letting things out, I've come up with something...

my friend told me something...funny...she really is a fair girl :]

"well jen...what ur doing is a little too much. let him have his freedom. ur like caging him xD"

"in that case, i'll let him free then. i'll move. i love him, but i don't want to force him to do things he don't like."

"ok imagine if charlie or your old crush just wanna take you out to a place...like starbucks or whatever. would u go? just as friends?"

"D: guys have asked me to go hang with him and i said 'no thank you.' even as friends, idk. i'll go anywhere with him but i won't go anywhere with any other guy D:"

"lol+++++ i guess u want him to just focus on you"

"dude a lot of guys asked me and i rejected them all...."

"XD but it's ok that's good."

"yeah but now you tell me that i'm doing too much. so i guess...i'll let him go? i want him happy..."

"lol idk it seems like he's yielding you a lot. i am afraid that when it reaches his limit, he will let go."

"i know. then that means he doesn't truly love me."

"it's sad if whatever u do just won't convince him. even though u apologize many times, things after things keep happening and it all around that one subject: girls. so i say...sometimes...just sometimes...let him hang out with whoever he likes and if he truly loves u, then what's so scary about it?"

"i don't like it."

"he left his heart with u"

"i really don't like it."

"yeah i know. we are girls, we want all of the guy, no distractions and stuff. but then, there are always temptations out there which he sometimes fall into. and if ur mad at him everytime he falls for it, then it's not so fair for him, since he's not perfect. XD give him space sometimes BC he's only what? 18?? haha it's that time where u are legal and go play around. plus he's still immature =) Plus! he gets along better with girls. so it's hard for him to give up everything right away just for you. get it??"

"if he's happier that way, i will let him go so he can be happy."

"wattt nooo what i mean is u have nothing to worry about cuz by looking at what's he doing, he's chasing you duhhh. if he doesn't care how u feel, then he wouldn't even apologize right?

"but what is an apology if he doens't mean it fully? i'm not saying that he doens't mean it...but i look at his actions. and i'm telling you, i don't like it ok? i don't want him to go play around. i know guys aren't perfect but still. if u love someone, u would want that person to be happy. "

"i don't say let him go play around and u watch him in bitterness. just don't get mad ALL the time bc it shouldn't be something you have to mention. he just knows it himself and it's his choice to fix it or not. he must KNOW what will it do to you when u find out and stuff. "

"like i said earlier, i know i want you to be loved the way u want to be loved by someone you choose, and that if the one thing that's causing u so much trouble is this subject on girls, and he's not willing to fix it, you'll know his true feelings for u. i mean everything i said to you earlier, but i'm looking from his perspective too."

"idk anymore."

"jen, as a friend, i think you shouldn't worry too much. watching you get worked up and sad everytime he's doing something stupid is really frustrating for me. I can't help bc idk how, because i bet he will continue to mess things up for awhile UNLESS he truly loves you and cares about your feelings. look, even though ur 'stalker' says things that are very true, ask him this: Did he really have this kind of insight when he was 18? i bet he didn't. now that he's 24, he's matured. now he says all these things after years of experience, right? i bet tuan will also get this insight once he matures. so u can't just listen to the stalker and not consider the situation. "

"idk anymore. i can't handle it anymore. i think my limit is reached."

"i say you listen to me! I AM THE EXPERT!"

"and i'm telling you what i don't like, ok? i want him and me to grow together, but i'm the only one growing. if i told him what the 'stalker' told me yesterday, would he have listened to those mature words and understand?"

"u don't know that, now do u? look at his actions. just look at them. come onnn he's trying."

"idk anymore. i'm going to be whatever now. i love him too much already."

"then don't love him too much. just be whatever. give all ur faithfulness and love when ur secured. let it be. BTW don't talk to the stalker anymore if u have not already done so. it's creepy."

"lol idk he helped me in a way."

"yeah help u suffer more i see."

"eh tuan doesn't want me to talk to him either."

"OF COURSE. I don't want u to talk to the stalker."

"he's not that bad..."

"he's not good either. u ever met him?"

"he knows someone from my church."

"u ever talked to him b4?"

"i never talked to him outside though."

"i know. exactly. it's not a good intention to add u everywhere and talk to u on aim esp. when u guys don't even meet outside."

"so i should meet him?"

"NO. does tuan know well about this?"

"i guess."

"and?"

"he doesn't want me to talk to him and told me to tell him that i have a bf already."

"tuan worries for you. yes, just say that u have a bf and the end."

"um...."

"seriously, dont talk to him anymore."

"but then i said that yd and the stalker told me a lot and it seems like he knows me very well. he opened my eyes to some things that i never knew...like my supposedly bf shouldn't make me worry and stuff and that there should be no excuses."

"just take it as a good lesson that inspired and comforted u, and don't talk to him anymore. he's too old."

"lol he's going to be a teacher in august haha"

"see. too old. and u know nothing about him. it's not right."

"but he's old enough to tell me things where i can see."

"i bet he's not stable himself. just don't talk to him anymore. ur too naive."

"OR i'm just hurt and i don't know who to turn to"

"u must trust urself too. don't be upset. get ready now for the concert. just have fun today! take ur mind off things. and cut off contact with whoever ur stalker is."

"idk. maybe when i'm secured."

"seriously, u don't want to worry tuan. how would he feel to know that a stalker is stalking his girlfriend and she's blindly walking into a trap?"

"i told u. i don't know who to talk to anymore."

"talk to tuan."

"we can't talk about everything. he turns away from things that are serious."

"well if something happens to u, at least now we know it's not completely ur fault. -_-"


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she is like...completely two ppl. but...idk anymore.

i'm just going to let it be. he can do whatever.

i'm tired. i can't expect him to change all at once. during his process to maturity...idk how i can handle it...if he continues to play around...idk...but...until then...i'm just going to have to swallow up my sadness.

idk anymore. maybe i'll go to seattle and simply get away from here. ticket..ticket...

idk..i wonder if L is right...if i tell him the things my stalker told me yesterday...would he have listened and consider the words from a matured person?

*sigh* well idk anymore. i still love my sweet guy...but i'm a bit worned out..confused...on the urge of moving...not sure anymore....