♥ Daily Blog: Secret

Why must I abuse myself with a flashback scene of that particular event?

Everytime he mentions something about "cooking," I feel broken. This triggers a flashback.

Furthermore, maybe if I know how to cook, it's a turn on for him? I don't know who to be.

Happiness is only temporary...even when I try to be happy, it's only temporary because my problems aren't settled. It's like living in a lie, pretending that everything's okay when really, it's not. I left my problems out, and of course, who wouldn't want his or her problems to be solved when he or she tells someone about them, right? I guess...these are my ongoing problems that hurt me the most.

And I'm trying to be happy, trying to smile, so he'll be happy. But I'm insecured. I'm worried. I'm thinking too much. I'm afraid.

The only thing I can do now...is leave whenever I don't feel good. I don't think he should put up with things that don't matter to him...or put up with things that he doesn't want to have anything to do with them.

I just want him happy...and my happiness is temporary because I'm trying to be happy for the time being...i know i'm not happy...i'm just appreciating what i have right now...but...that's all i can do...

To truly be happy is rare. To truly be happy permanently is very rare...but perhaps that can happen for me...if and only if _____________________________________________.

but i don't deserve it.

*sigh*

all i can do is leave...and come back when i'm a bit better...

i just want him happy...so i'll let him see how happy i am....

but it's only temporary...i just can't ignore the things that bother me...i have every reason to have those problems...

*sigh* just need to feel better so i can go back on and he won't have to deal with all this again.

what should i do tm on saturday morning...*sigh* i'm lost...

hm, well i'm sure he's ok right now. that's good...i don't want to ruin his mood. lol. i rather just have him happy without his knowing of anything else.

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the movie Secret is very good and emotional.

i cried so much for this movie, because the way the girl cried...i saw my own reflection and i felt the same feelings as the character felt.

i saw my own reflection in that movie...the way she cried...and i understood how she feels. it didn't matter if the guy likes her too or so...he did things that show something different.

furthermore, the character and i are two of the few girls who just want the guy to ourselves...and focus on only one person and doing everything...spending all the time with that one person. simply be happy...with the one person...it's like...everything is better with the person one loves...and nothing more...