♥ Daily Blog: There is a Mountain

The last thing I wanted to hear was "Don't rush love."

Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty. The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don't become less of who you are; you end up being complete with the person you love.

When you have nothing left but love, then for the first time you become aware that love is enough.

Love is letting go of it all and having it return to you unconditionally

Love is creating happiness, not being happy.

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I used to think that love is just love. I used to think that it's an emotion that everyone has, and that it is normal and ordinary.

I wasn't and am not like other girls who will go out and hang with friends and simply party.

I've always wondered what love is, what is it like, and how does it feel to be loved. I never knew the meaning of holding hands, the love expressed through a simple kiss, and the feelings that rushes through one's body from a passionate hug.

Throughout my childhood, I hated love. It was cruel and heartless. To me, love was meant to destroy another person. I don't want to go through what my mother had been through. A man who was a sweet talker only talk the talk. His promises were fake; they carried no weight. I grew up suffering with my mother, crying with her, and trying to handle the pain with her. Everytime she stayed up crying inside my closet, I would wake up in the middle of the night and cried with her.

Love...is...a curse.

I understand why the way I am. As much as I have hated love, I am connected to that subject.

Ever since I've met him, my perspective on love changed.

Love is a gift. It is a precious gift to receive; it is very special. The majority of the people do not take love seriously. They see love as just an emotion that everyone will feel, and that it is normal to fall in love.

I never knew what true love was until I've met him.

There is not "it," when referring to love. Love is not an "it." Love cannot be given and taken, otherwise love would be sould in shops. No, love is love, beyond control, beyond one's mind. Love cannot be given and taken...love is. The only thing that one can do is get in the way by emotionalizing the situation so he or she can't feel the love. In doing so, one will wonder why his or her life is not what it used to be or that he or she isn't on purpose, because he or she is running from love.

When I look at this amazing creature, I see love. I see magic. I see joy.

Whenever I'm with him, I feel a warm feeling. I become happy. I'm always happy when I'm with him. However, as soon as we part, another feeling washes over.

As I typed out my problems to him, I received nothing. What did I expect though? I wasn't his best friend.

"You can't rush love."

I know this phrase...but I want it so badly. As a toddler until now...I've been searching for this one thing that not everyone looks for. I want it so badly before reaching adulthood.

The moment he said "You can't rush love," every part of me dissolves. I didn't rush into loving him, yet in less than a year, I love him more than I love myself and I found out what true love is.

But when he said "You can't rush love," I feel as if he doesn't love me yet. Perhaps...he would rather let it flow...it's sad though...my love is unrequited.

My problems...they were simple...he either does something about them or not...and he didn't do anything so... there's my answer. Instead, I have a reply saying that those problems take time. He's not willing to fix the problem that I'm facing everyday...they're not something the requires time...they're not...and...his reply was...shocking.

I'm afraid.

My solution? Give him something to remember by. I...should leave after that. Though my mother's not divorcing, it is highly possible that I can get out of this house and go to the place where teens go to if they cannot live at home. I can arrange that. But...once I do it...there's no turning back.

He promised me that he'll make me happy because I sacrificed that offer. OH. MY.GOSH. That promise...doesn't exist...doesn't it? Because my mother now decided to not get a divorce...so...maybe that's why...it doesn't exist anymore. Little does he know...because I stayed, she then changed her mind. If I had gone, she would have done it.

I can still go. I can tell that he doesn't believe me, but...I can still move away.

Well...if he doesn't believe me, I can leave silently.

I love him, but...moving away..might make him feel better.

He's an amazing person....and I love him....and I don't want to see him stressed anymore. Unlike some people, he escapes from problems. i can't solve this alone...and since I had to...this solution is the only way i can come up with...and i think...it's the best decision. I've lost all hopes and dreams...ever since I've met him...everything was revolved around him. now i'm lost.

the things i do...are just air to him.

....i hate this situation...now he and i won't have fun in the park...idk what to do anymore...

the only other solution is...if the problems are fixed...and then i would be happy...and everyday would be like the days that i have planned for july....