♥Daily Blog: The Clock Strikes

For the first time
in a long time

I received a long message from him.

I kept thinking over what I said, and I realized that I've been saying things..things that made up of who he used to be...
The way he used to treat me.

And then...it seems to make sense.

"Wishes conflict"

If that is so...I'm guessing that he doesn't love me anymore. If he does, he would still treat me like he did back then.

So...why would wishes conflict?

The only answer I can think of is that he doesn't love me anymore.

Reading the past convos...I can see that love...that joy...that joy in his heart.

today, I don't see an I love you.

But...*pats on my back. That was the tenth time I made the video. I kept forgetting and mispronouncing things. Finally..I got it done.

My only wish?

Go back in time and embrace the love he had for me.

I approached him today; I musn't anymore.

They say...the person who loves more...who cares more...will approach.

I'm not sure where to go.

"Wishes conflict"

I realized that the guy is gone.
Would he really...talk to me like he used to? Smile...and sacrifice a little of his time like he used to?

Love motivates. Love drives.
I can smile like I used to..be better for him..

Because I still love him. That love drives me to do things.

But, what about him?

In a way, I made him a video...an attempt to say goodbye to him, forever. I didn't expect him to reply..I didn't expect myself to reply.

And in a way, I asked him...to advise me what to do.

I was asking him...does he plan on being with me still?

Or should I go.

I was asking him if he wanted me to stay, because if he did, he can just say the word and I'll stay.

I'll stay and fix my part.

But he doesn't know.

What is he willing to do for me? And what is he wanting from me?

I just want the honest and true loving guy back. It's really a love issue...=/

It wouldn't be this hard if he still loved me like before.

Heck...it wouldn't be this hard if I had been better before...maybe then i could have held onto his love.

Judging from the change in status, no more i love you's, and...etc.

I don't think it's possible that he still loves me like he used to.

I hate thinking that...

But during the times of emptiness...

I can only pick up hints..pick up whatever I have...to have an idea of something.

To have an idea of where I stand.