♥Daily Blog: Shoot High

I wonder if he realizes all the trouble I go through just to get a simple, ‘hey’ or ‘hello’ . Or how long it takes for a me just to send out a simple message, and all the rewrites that message goes through. Or how many outfits in the morning I try on just to impress him. Or how many times I go onto his profile just to learn everything I possibly can. Or how hurt I feel when I hears him talk about any other girl. Or how anxious I am for him to talk to me on aim. Or how many day dreams I've been in. Or all the careful planning done just for a simple conversation. Or the way I talk, walk, or look at him. Or all of the tears I shed for him for just one stupid jerk move. I really wonder if he notices.

After shivering in the cold all day (in additional to standing outside in the morning for the bus), I think I'm starting to feel sick.

Today I learned that my teacher eloped before she was 20. Later, she and her husband finally celebrate it big. But then she turned 30 and he didn't want kids. So then she divorced him but then got back.

But I was amazed about the elope thing; furthermore, i was amazed that a young marriage can actually last. I mean, the kid thing was kinda not that big of a deal, unless you want kids more than you love the person. If she didn't divorce him over the kid thing, then she and him would have never gotten a divorce and they would last continuously until now.

So i guess hs sweethearts or something like that do exist...but only like...one in every 100?

Mr. Darcy apparently has very high standards. If you lie, he won't give another chance. If you cheat, he won't give another chance. Once it's gone, it's over.
"Happened once, shame on you. Happened twice, shame on me."
That was the way he lived by.

My english teacher then asked "How many of you would say that you are forgiving?"

I raised my hand, and surprisingly, not many people raised their hands. Unforgiving was quite popular.

And then the question came, "Now, how many of you are TOO forgiving?"

And that got me hesitant. I AM too forgiving -_-

And then..."Regarding to boyfriend/girlfriend, how many of you would stay if they lie to you? Cheat on you?"

Okay, reflection time.

I AM too forgiving. I thought i was just forgiving...but no...
If I were not forgiving, then I would be like Mr. Darcy. If I were forgiving, then I would give out a second chance or even third at most.
But giving out more than three chances...is illustrating myself as too forgiving.

But, my own bf won't see that, now would he? If he really loves me....be honest...be completely honest. Don't do the same repeated so called mistakes anymore. Improve and be a better person...

And it's funny, he did cheat on me. He did lie to me. All had been done more than once. Though what he did was not a severe type of cheating, it's somewhat is. And lying?
Yeah...i'm too forgiving...but he's not going to realize that and just improve for the relationship...i mean...if he truly truly loves me, he wouldn't really want me to forgive anymore. He would fix things...

I mean...there are times that we make a very huge mistake and even when we truly repent, we're not given another chance.

But I...I give him more...when will he be better...is he already better...? I guess that depends if he actually loves me or not...depends if he can feel the pain that i feel..depends if he can stand in my shoes and will bend to that need of mine..

that would truly be a sign of love.

But...back to being too forgiving...um...is love making me weaker? Honestly, i don't give chances...only second chances sometimes...but...yeah...that's me...
But then my real love for him allowed me to be able to give another chance...my real love for him soften me...taught me that sometimes people need to be forgiven and given another chance in order to show that they do improve....

Now i start to wonder...did love made me weaker? Or did it challenge me...challenge me to SHOW, not just TELL, that i love him.

I remember being very careful with my feelings for him....i was afraid, after all. But then i was very quiet and shy to show him how i really feel....

and perhaps...love challenged me to show...

but....now....

i'm being too forgiving...and this forgiveness is being taken for granted....

If he really changes his ways....

i can't wait for him and me to go to the next step toward the bright future that awaits.