♥Daily Blog: In Fact, Quite Scared

I feel quite happy lately....well...not happy all the time, but still..

I'm a bit worried now. I'll be crashing down once again soon...it always happens like that...and i'm afraid.

And, what about college? What school is he planning to transfer to?

I'm so afraid that he will not keep the things he said about transferring to the same college together.

I'm afraid.

I love him, i really do. But see, if there's love at all, well then...he just loves me and isn't in love with me. I'm so afraid.
So afraid that he and i won't make it through all the way...

As much as i know and sure about my feelings for him, as much as i still see him in my future...
I'm afraid that no matter how much i love him...

His feelings for me may never match mine. He no longer smiles like he used to.

How I wish a part of my future is known with certainty. I really really really want him and me to be sweethearts forever...i really really hope that things will improve...and will always grow better...

But I alone cannot reach that hope and dream. One person pursuing that dream isn't enough; one person wanting that dream isn't enough.

I'm so afraid and i can't ignore this any longer. I'm very worried, and i wouldn't be this worry unless i don't love him at all.

I really do care...

I even check him out still, but never once do i see him looking at me like he used to anymore.
Even when i don't think i'm pretty but others think otherwise, he doesn't seem happy or feel idk...lucky?

Sometimes i wonder why he doesn't smile when ppl compliment me...why he won't smile and pull me to him to show that i'm his...

Am i very ugly looking that i can't even be adored, cherished, and loved? i still compliment him because i am in love with him...

lol..

I'm so scared about the uncertainty about him and me later on...

I'm afraid that i might become too afraid and might...

run away...

At times...when he and I are laughing together and so forth...
at times i wish that time stops there...
I wish that time would stop there, so that he and i will always be together...he and i will be always happy...

I wish time will stop moving; i'm afraid that the moment will never appear in the future.

That's how afraid i am...and i guess...

This just shows how much i love him...how committed i am...

Also, he doesn't write "I love you" full out before going to bed anymore, his hearts are unusually less now...
I guess i shouldn't take it personally but...idk...it's quite a sight to see how less the hearts are nowadays...how he suddenly moves from writing "I love you" to "ily" more often...

I wanted to get something off my chest today yet...even when i mention that i wanted to say it...he just brush it aside...and chose sleep...

I feel very neglected now. He used to always ask how i feel and always gave me the chance to say what i want to say for the day...
lol...not anymore..

i wanted to say something...now...i don't get the chance to ever say it anymore...