♥Daily Blog: Softly, Ever So Gently

This year's Valentine's Day isn't special.
Like the anniversary day, nothing was special.

Movie and dinner. But why did it feel different than last year's?

The effort was different.

I know that he wants to break up with me, but for some reason, he won't do it.

I love him, but no matter how many times I try to give it another try, things just get worse.

He doesn't love me anymore. When will he see that?





This week, indeed, he and i only hung out once.

He stood up on me today.

Who wants to break up with who?

Forever in my heart, he's in there all along, but as time passes, he doesn't see me when he looks at me anymore.

No longer do I see the guy who understands the things behind my actions.

Rather than realizing that "I lied to her all along, I guess she should find out eventually since I won't even tell her. If she never found out, she would still be thinking that I'm faithful to her and that I was keeping my promises. She would be living a lie."

Rather than realizing that, he accuses me of snooping around. I guess he's offended. He doesn't want me to find out, he doesn't care about me or how i feel.

What he wanted was to do whatever he wanted...it meant THAT much to him than how i feel and where the relatoinship was standing.

It was my mistake for giving my body to him. But, it wasn't just a mistake. It was something that I can never get back for the rest of my life. I gave every part of me to him, trusting that he won't hurt me, trusting that he'll keep his promises and love me for real.
I trusted him that he would be the first and last person i'll be sharing this sacred part of me to him.

But I was wrong. My true love for him blinded me. I loved him so much that I literally gave up my time, my tears, and my thoughts for him. To think and to always be the one responsible of holding the relationship together...it's too much work for me...i cna't do this alone and he never offered his hand to help.

No, he never volunteered to help. He never stepped in and for once say "I'm sorry, I really am. I won't do it again. I love you."

You don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person whom you cannot live without.
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

He loves me because he needs me in some way.

But I need him because I love him.

Always has it been that I'm the one who wants to end things, but in reality and in truth, no.

He's the one who wants to end it. He chose to.

He KNEW that it will end if he doesn't fix something. He knew that. But he chose not to fix it, he chose not to improve, and he chose to run away.

All of those little choices combined, they gave me one simple message: I don't want to be with you.