♥Daily Blog: Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I don't know who else to talk to. I am stuck. How can you love someone knowing that he or she can't do the one thing that would make you utterly happy forever?
I've been strayed away from my faith, and I'm sorry.
I realized that you've been watching out for me all along. I'm not sure what you want me to do. I'm just really hurt, and even though I've done another thing for him by acknowledging and accepting his words as not cheating, etc....i'm still hurt.
I've tried to talk to him how i feel, but in the end, i was the one ending up doing another thing for him.
If I can accept that he wasn't flirting, is it possible that he can understand how i'm instinctly hurt?
Sometimes, I want to be a nun, so i can only express my love to you by sinning less. However, I'm human, and you taught us Catholics to love another person. You taught me to love someone faithfully and to carry the cross. I don't understand where I went wrong, Jesus.
There's a guy in scouts with me who actually carried the same view i carried...so i'm not the only one, Jesus. Is there something wrong with us? We both love someone very much...how come he gets to have someone who ends up changing and bending to his needs while you can't do the same for me?
I don't want to end up like my mother...for my mother ended up with someone who doesn't love her and cherish her...
I don't even know when someone's lying or not anymore.
Finals are coming up, and now I'm hurting.
What do you want me to do?

I wish he loves me truly...i wish he wouldn't have any girls on his contact list...talk to any other girls...i wish he would do that for no other reason other than...that he loves me.
Jesus, I even told him that that's the one thing I want from him, and if i can get that one thing from him, i would be very happy. But still he wouldn't do that...
Does he want me happy?

He seemed very happy when i said that he can do as he pleases.
I hate myself...for loving him now. In the end, I gave up what i want....in order to be with him...
Is this my cross, Jesus? To bear loving someone a lot and to do so much for that person...but in the end...i can never get what i desire most from him? Is that my cross? If so, please lift up some of the burden for not being love the way i want to be loved by him.
Help me to not cry even when i know he's hurting me.

I apologized for the lies I gave to my parents...but please know that those are the only lies I've ever done in this past year. Please give me the strength to accept the fact that he will never give me what i want from him, give me the strength to still be myself and eventually do what i should do no matter how much it hurts me. Lessen the pain for me, please! I've had enough of dealing with my parents, and now I need to find a place since I'll be moving out later on. Please keep me safe when I'll be living alone. Even though I'd want to die since no one seems to give me the one thing i ask of them, i'd rather live and at least try to help those in charity.


Jesus, did you know that if he had given me what i wanted...did you know that i would be really happy? Out of everybody who refuses to understand me, if he could actually understand me...i would have felt really blessed. But perhaps I don't deserve to be blessed. Maybe you created me to make another person happy, even if it means for me to cry each and everyday.

Thank you for always saving me from my parents finding out about me and him; you rescued me even though I've hurt you. Thank you for loving us people unconditionally, for I have begun to understand the pain that you go through each second when people sin against you. You love us, and we hurt you. I feel that pain, and perhaps the pain that i feel is nothing compared to how you feel.

I do try, however, to sin less than other people. i do! I have refrained myself from cussing aloud, I have refrained from lying as much as i can, and i have refrained myself from skipping church.

He'll be doing the same things, Jesus....so please...help me get through this pain from loving someone this much to even let him do as he pleases.

From here on out....seems to me that i'll be talking to you only about the things i go through. Little does he know, even when i talked to others when i'm at rock bottom, ppl are annoyed by me.

I'm very hurt, Jesus...for now...

I'll stop here and continue talking to you at a later time.

Love,

Jen