♥Daily Blog: A Conversation with Myself

Conscience: How are you today?
Me: I don't know. I didn't eat dinner. I just cried. I did some hw. I studied. I just cried.
Conscience: Are you two still together?
Me: Yeah.
Conscience: Well, that's great! :]
Me: yeah...
Conscience: What's wrong?
Me: Even though I'm partly happy because I'm still with him, a part of me feels empty.
Conscience: How come?
Me: He'll be still doing those things...and most likely, he'll do other things...
Conscience: Even though he'll be doing the things knowing that they hurt you, you're still going to love him.
Me: yeah...
Conscience: And at least now you can visualize the things he do rather than suffering from not knowing for sure.
Me: yeah...
Conscience: you're with him...so smile!
Me: yeah...
Conscience: o.o you're not communicating with me D:
Me: I am.
Conscience: What do you really want?
Me: I just want him to stop doing those things.
Conscience: But...he's not, so why are you still thinking about these things?
Me: I don't have a voice anymore. Even when I speak up, nothing is heard, nothing is known, nothing is fixed.
Conscience: I'm so sorry for hurting you -_-
Me: You didn't do anything.
Conscience: Yes i did...i couldn't help you.
Me: I don't need help.
Conscience: aren't you happy that you're still with him and that he wants to be with you?
Me: Yes.
Conscience: But you're not smiling...
Me: I am smiling, deep inside.
Conscience: But I don't see a smile, i see tears.
Me: I am happpy and sad. I'm human, it's normal.
Conscience: Yeah, but I've never seen you so disappointed and broken since two months ago.
Me: At least...i'm still with him..
Conscience: Yeah...that's the bright side...

Conscience: Hey, are you going to sleep tonight?
Me: no.
Conscience: o.o
Me: i don't feel like sleeping.
Conscience: you're not eating and you're not sleeping...you have to do at least one or the other..
Me: I'm not hungry, and I'm not tired.
Conscience: *sigh* look, you love him...can't u see that? You're letting him have his way...
Me: mmm
Conscience: at least...be happy...that he's happy..
Me: yeah...
Conscience: Are you sure you're Jen?
Me: yeah...
Conscience: Well, you're dying right now...
Me: nah i'm already dead long ago
Conscience: You care about him...huh?
Me: He threw up today...i don't want that to happen again...
Conscience: I don't get it...you see him sick and you're feeling this way...yet you've been sick all along and he doesn't do anything...
Me: It's okay. He chose the right girl. He's a lucky guy.
Conscience: Aren't you lucky?
Me: I don't know what's luck anymore.
Conscience: Then why did you say he's lucky?
Me: Because he can get pretty much whatever he wants out of me.
Conscience: Is that bad?
Me: i don't think so.
Conscience: Well...smile mk?
Me: i guess

Conscience: Hm...well I told you earlier but you wouldn't listen. Don't take money from him even though it's in form of an object...it's going to get back at you and now you have to accept all this as his love.
Me: Yeah...i know...