How time passes by quickly
How things have changed
In just a blink of an eye, over one year has passed, and the relationship has become fatigue.
I used to find myself smiling happily doing my work and going to school.
I used to find myself being impatient, wanting to get through the school day so I could have my sweet time with him.
He and I used to go to school together. Everything was so beautiful. So beautiful until I realized how many girls are involved. So beautiful when I realized what instinctly hurts me.
So beautiful until the relationship begins to die slowly.
Though he broke up with me back then, I find myself to move to him...
My feet walked when I couldn't walk.
My heart tightened when I didn't want it to tighten.
I never meant for any of it, loved him so much and didn't know...
In the end, fate brought him and me together once again...
The promises, the honesty, the desire to be with one another..all were there.
All were there but...
Only for a short while.
As I'm writing this up, I'm starting at the dull sky with some tears in my eyes.
I wonder why. Why did things happen like that? Why did such things happened after summer ended?
Why did he want to hurt me on purpose?
But the thing that is behind all those actions was...
Love.
Love was never present. Love was never present in his heart. He had never loved me.
Even though he wanted to think that it was there...
I know that it never was.
All he had...was infatuation for me. That was why the happy memories were so short. And that's why...
Even though summer had been awesome, the feeling was a bit different.
And all along...I thought that deep down he did love me.
But love isn't there. He can be lying to me right now.
He doesn't call me out of voluntarily or..something like that. If I dont call, he doesnt...
Usually the guy calls...right...
When he said that he doesn't have enough time to call...it was well said that he didnt feel the need or want to call.
It was well said of how he's treating this relationship.how he feels towards me.
Furthermore, he never wanted Monday off so he can hang with me. And now, I can only hang with him once a week.
I've always thought of him and about him and me together. Applying for work...I applied it, leaving Monday out.
As a result, it decreased my chance to be accepted.
When I found out that he didn't even acknowledge Monday...
it was too late. I already turned in my job application and...i was never called.
Always putting the relationship first...and...it's just me who does that..
It's just me who actually loves for real...who actually takes things seriously.
And even though i gave him a link to this blog, I can feel that he doesn't really visit...maybe only once or twice but..
I can tell that he doesn't care about my days, my thoughts, and feelings.
And he no longer really buys things for me...of course, i can buy on my own but...idk...there's no gentleman side of him...no more..
He used to carry me.
Not anymore.
This relationship...it's dying...
There's no future, is there..?
Funny how I used to picture myself and him as a family...having a child perhaps...
I feel that connection...i love him that much but...
In reality...nothing...
He doesn't love me. Based on his actions...he doesn't.
Things have changed...he never loved me...it was just an infatuation.
Anniversary day was horrible...
Valentine's day wasn't the same.
the distance just keeps growing worse....
And i'm hurt but...what does he know?
The distance just keeps growing...
This relationship...what is it now? Precious? Burden? Pertinent? Unimportant...
Because if I were to leave, would he have done the same thing I did...would he begin to understand? Would he try to get me back...the way I tried back then..
Or, would he just let it be?
Perhaps I already know the answer to that, for I can see...the feelings he have for me...
The feelings of non love.
Everytime I stare at this picture in my diary...I smile and cry at the same time...
the first glance made my heart skipped a beat...I knew there was something...
But now...i realized that i'm the only one who has ever truly loved him..
I'm so glad that i have found the newspaper that included this image...so very glad...Each time I open my journal now...i always have this picture where i can see..
haha...i guess...it was meant to be for me to love him...but never meant to be that he loves me.
I wish...I really wish that things would turn around...
If things are going well and he improves for me...then i would get an opportunity to say "I love the person you're becoming, for it means that there is a future for us after all...
But my happiness doesn't matter now...if it does, i would be happy, wouldn't i?
