♥Daily Blog: Hang in There

I'm currently doing one (or two) last thing(s) for him (assuming that ...).

Hang in there.

The flame has been burned out for him, and I can tell that he's not IN love with me.

Hang in there. Just a few more days, and he can have the freedom that he wants.
He's not settled. My mind is of no importance, he thinks on his own.
It's not together.

He seems to not understand what a relationship is. I can tell it in his eyes that his feelings for me are just no there.

There's no desire in him to make me laugh and to contribute and fix the relationship.

Hang in there, just a few more days. This is what he asks for, and I'll give it to him.

In a way...lovers have the responsibility to commit and make the other happy.

If he just wants freedom and take no consideration of anything that has to do with me, why is he in this with me? I'm just a prize.

Therefore, he doesn't want to be with me. I'm trying to swallow all this, and I ended up crying just now. I guess no matter how much I try to ignore, I'm just fooling myself.

Really, he's not settled, and if he and i continue like this day with the things as they are, eventually...when he and i do get married, he'll be like this still.

He will avoid solving problems, just as he does now. He will say things, and won't keep them. And much worse can happen.

I need things to be settled here, and obviously, I'm the only one who cares even though I've given up.

I'm just going in cirlces, for obviously, no matter how many times I'm going around, nothing's changed and i'm not ever going to find tha tpart of him. He obviously doesn't love me as he used to, and obviously, he wants to do what he wants even though it crosses the line.

He wants others, so I'll just freaken set him free. I'm only his second choice. Or third.

When there's no school, things are better and once it's back, i don't even recognize who the hell he is.

No matter how many times I've let things slide, he's not going to learn. No matter how many times i improve myself, i'm not going to find that part of him.

Even though I sincerely love him and want to be with him
And even though every night i think about him and me sleeping together and give warmth to one another,

This is reality. I've realized that up until now, he's still the same new guy. Especially when he says about "have to" etc.

There's no hope.
I have to accept this. I have to accept that I made a wrong decision if things do not turn out as i hope.

I reserve myself for someone who's worth it, and yet, this person has transformed.

I've supported him in business, but he doesn't support me in music.

Breathe.

As each day ends, i begin to cry more, because it's a step closer to the end.

I thought that there's hope, but seeing how he still thinks this way and cannot see from my pov, I realized that....

there's just...nothing i can do, honestly.

I mean, this is his choice and not only does he NOT seem happy in the relationship, but he also doesn't show in any way of how he loves me, for emotionally, things are unsettled.

It was hard. It was hard for me to smile when I'm not really happy overall. But I tried, and now I've managed to succeed a smile.

I know that he wants less stress...so i try not to cry...and just smile...

As the month starts to end, and seeing that it's most likely impossible that he'll change at this point,

I begin to question myself on why i was consistent to get him back last time.

And I realize that I have expressed my true love to him. Even when he rejected me, i tried...i knew that the cause is not for the lack of love but rather on my mistakes.

I kept trying, I was persistent. I improved myself for him, and managed to find the right words to convince him that i will be better for him from time to time.

I guess...no matter how many times i was knocked down, i kept going back up...

Now...there's nothing for me to try...i mean...all the hard work from the past months...the tears...the thnking....took a whole lot out of me...furthermore, i received those actions from him as my reward...

Can I just stop giving and expressing more love for a second? I'm getting nothing in return.

Just as I thought things were okay, they weren't. Money things.

I'm starting to feel a little faint.

*sigh* I wish I can be in my shell again =/ He seems to be more interested in me and loves me a lot more and is in love with me when i'm in my little turtle shell....

By not saying much, he seems to care more. He loved me more.

Now, his flame has burned out.

Even if I become silent like the person I am...silence just continues to exist.

Why be in a relationship if all you care about is yourself? Even when you do things for someone, if the things you do are just going to turn into problems...idk...do you really love that person?
Why be in a relationship if all you are concerned about is yourself?

In a relationship, you're combining yourself with anotehr person. Your perceptions may change, and you may change. We bend to each other's needs. Furthermore, I start to feel as though he only dated me for experience.

I'm just so stressed out, but really, there's nothing I can do.

I'm dying inside, and I guess in the end...

It's all my fault because I gave myself to someone who's not going to love me for long.

Now, I wish that that's not true...but really....

isnt it true that...his flame burned out?

How I wish he and I are forever annd be a better person for each other.
It's not like i want this to end, he wants it himself.

seriously...i even picture me and him in the future...

I can do no more. Because of all the things I do, nothing changes and this new stranger just stays the same.

"No matter how many times you've improved yourself, he'll still treat you the same way."

Hang in there...maybe he doesn't want to be with me any longer but...hang in there...

I'lll grant his wish...

even though i'm happier with him...with the person i saw in him...it's ok.

lol.

i need to smile.