♥Daily Blog: Uncherished

Whenever I hear how he admires his dog for faithfulness etc..

I feel weird...

I've been faithful to him...haven't I?

He admires this quality so much...

Yet he can never be faithful to his words and faithful in generall himself..

He values trust and faithfulness, the same things that I myself value.
He and i have been strongly pulled closer because of those similar values.

My feelings for him grew when I realized that his values were the same as mine, mainly because I can be secured that he will be faithful to me, faithful to his words, and will never lie to me.

Yet...he's violating his own virtues.
I myself...I could never lie to him...have always stayed faithful....

The only reason for my leaving eventually IF he doesn't do anything is because...

1. He's violating the virtues that he and I have shared.
2. He's not the same guy anymore and if he wants to be with me, he would change back and apologize sincerely to me.

sometimes...I feel like i'm a dog myself...
Of all the times where he lied to me, cheated on me, etc.

I still stay...

It's only when he kicks me out...that i need to leave because...he doesn't want me anymore...and i'm just making a bigger fool of myself if i stay, since he'll be looking down on me.

Even now, when he hasn't done anything...I agreed to stay with him when he just pulled me back...

But right now, he's pissed and he's throwing everything at ME. That's like...the owner coming home and take his/her temper out at the dog.

In a way...I tried to stay calm, wanting to calm him down...

I guess I shouldn't be thinking reasonably right now?

apparently, the amazing guy will not come back to me.
Sometimes....

I wish I had gone to Seattle when I had the chance...

Maybe it's because I find no reason to stay here anymore....
I don't really have anyone here, and this is my home state.
He's obviously not going to find his way back to me...how is the relationship going to be well again?

I seriously just want a relationship where my lover would stay faithful to me..

basically everything based on his promises and the wonderful guy i once knew.
Yeah...the environment DOES shape one's personality...

but it shouldn't affect feelings...if it does...

then...everything changes. If everything changes...idk

Perhaps there was a reason for me to have made all those videos...to watch them and remember...

Just when I was seeing a status that i liked...he had to change it due to his conflict with his mother.

He and I are walking down that same road again.

dfjkdfjdkf

There's absolutely no one of whom I can trust, that has always been my view.

I'm not sure if he knows it...but he can always choose to trust me.

At least there's SOMEONE in his life that he can trust; whether he chooses to or not, that's up to him.

While I don't have anyone to trust.

Besides, society is dying. What cna I say? Sins are everywhere. Cheating, unfaithfulness, lies, murder, abuse

I look at the little things...connect them to the big things

And I realize that if the world will surely end soon, I can see why.

Nothing seems to get better between him and me. It's like he's using me to help him get over me.
Funny, whatever.

Of all the things I've done for him...of all the times I tried to understand him...reasoned with him...trying my best to calm him...

He doens't see them.

He should really put himself in my shoes.
How does it feel to be cheated on, to be lied to, to be fooled?

Yet I love him so much that I would stay with him while he takes his time to figure things out.
I don't get it?

He enjoys violating the things that i value...things that HE values.

Yet when someone else violates the values, he comes around all hurt, angry, and full of hate.

Does he know how I feel? Family is family...but...

seriously...i love him so much and to be hurt so much from the person i love most...stings more than he could ever imagine...yet...

i tried to swallow and stay calm.
Funny...how I'm seen as dirt...

Even he treasures his dog better than me. fighting for it to stay...yet...he doesn't do anything...fight for me to stay...
His dog's his best friend...what am i to him?
His dog is faithful to him, how have I been to him all this time?

Even when I'm NOT happy, am i really looking at others, pursuing others while RIGHT NOW, i'm waiting for something that may NEVER happen?

Step outside the box for once.
We are all so self-centered...at times we can't help it...

but...at least...step outside the box and observe our own actions.

So i guess i learned some things...

1. I seem to be treated less than a dog
2. I shouldn't try to reason and think fairly when he's mad, for i should be only thinking about his pov
3. idk

*goes back to watching vids*

*breathe*