♥Daily Blog: Is there anything?

Deep down...I wonder if he's okay...is he hurt...if so, how much..?

To be hit and be bleeding..

then again sometimes I wonder if he cares if my mother continued doing that..

I remember those times where she would slap me, beat me down with the stick, kick me, punch me, over and over again..
my head, my knees, my arms

he doesn't seem to care...now does he?

In times like this...things are unsettled between me and him, as other things get worse

I'm afraid that the amazing guy will never come back.

Is it so hard to wish for the person you love...to realize that he's hurt you, that he wants to be with you and wants to fix things..
to apologize because he realizes his mistakes..

to ask for another chance?

to wish for the person you love...to be the person you once love...

It's like...he had every intention to hurt me on purpose...maybe that's why...he'll never apologize...

I've apologized so many times and acted upon my actions...
In the end I realize was it worth for me to do all those things? Obviously he doesn't love me as much as i love him

Perhaps he doesn't even love me at all..

To always be the one apologizing...i'm the only one who loves, aren't i? because when i hurt him, i'm hurt and i feel guilty, and right away i'll realize where I'm wrong...

Never once...has he really apologized to me sincerely...
maybe it was that one email, that once in a lifetime...that he apologized..

then again...that email means nothing now, since he never acted upon them...

I wish I can be what I want to be...but with things unsettled...

it's hard.
especially when i can't understand him due to him just throwing words around...and i was trying my best to picture where he got scratched...

then...with things unsettled between him and me still...
i feel worse feelinging that he'll be turning to somebody else...

i'm not sure how long i can do this...
i want to be there for him, comfort him, etc.

but it's so hard especially when the thing between me and him is unsettled.
it's hard because...

i know that i'm still the one giving my all, yet he gives nothing.
i can't bear to look at his status
i can't bear to kiss him like i used to knowing that...his kiss was never genuine.
wishing to make love like before...but...i can't..
wanting to smile...but...it's so hard to do knowing that i'll be lying to myself...

what am i waiting for...
Back then when i made mistakes...after i apologized to him, i had to wait for him...it was...a suffer for me each day as i wait..

but now...even when i have already realized and apologized for my mistakes...
even when it's no longer my fault since i've been taking the blame for his actions...
even now...i have to wait

no, that's stupid. if he doesnt want me, so be it.

you hurt someone so badly, and now you're just taking your time.
If that person really means a lot to you, why are you wasting your time?
Testing faithfulness? how funny
what if that person has stayed so faithful to you but now that you don't even love that person anymore

what's the point of staying? i've never looked at other guys nor pursued other guys, isn't that faithfulness good enough? for months i stayed with him while he was lying to me, cheating on me, etc.

isn't that a really strong faithfulness? even when i'm unhappy in this relationship, unsure on where this will go, i'm still not even being unfaithful.

haven't i been faithful to my words?

can you really blame someone for leaving after the way you showed to that person that you don't love her anymore, don't need her nor want her anymore, don't care about her anymore, that the amazing guy in you is gone forever...
you kicked her out

What is she supposed to do? Stay as you continue to disrespect her, treat her lower than dirt?

Last time she tried to let you go...it was a chance for you to take a bit of time to think about what you really want.

AFter all...he changed his direction and walked without her already...she's been following him for three months, and he never turned back.

Is there anything?
If I get pissed, hurt, bringing certain things up...

can he really blame me?

The conflict with his family will somehow affect the conflict i have with him.

Am I right? he fights for his dog to stay, but he doesn't even fight for me to stay.
He values trust and faithfulness so much, yet...does he even see those qualities in me?

For more than a year...I'm confident to say that I've never lied to him...even when at times he thinks that i've lied, i haven't.

For more than a year, i've been staying with him...trying to stay calm for him...to sacrifice my happiness for him...

to be faithful to him...

and only to found out that of all the thigns i did...he never appreciated them and even took advantage of my love for him.

Can he honestly say that he loves me?
Even now, as i write this post...

he hasn't even apologized to me or realized anything that i wish he would realize.