if he's going to accept another girl's present.
I rejected some before...but...
that's just me and my love for him
What about him?
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Is he ever going to FEEL the love I have for him?
He doesn't know that...
I want to take care of him when he's extremely tired
I want to be his life
I want to be the only one bringing genuine smiles to him...
I want to be all that he needs
I want to cuddle with him
I want to walk with him..
Yet...I wish this isn't unrequited true love..
As I found out the things that he did...
Suddenly I feel different.
Maybe it's too much pain and sadness...
It seems as though nothing ever happened between him and me from the months of September, October, November and part December...
I now understand why....he never celebrated our one year anniversary...
How he didn't do anything special...no poems, no nothing.
Suddenly...I feel as though...
WAS there a one year anniversary? He never celebrated it...the guy I once knew would have probably written me a sweet poem, take me for a walk with him...idk...the romantic things that he would think of...
All the love that he and I made...suddenly I feel that all those times were emptry because of the empty promises, the lies...
And that he cheated on me..
again...
It's as though...
he doesn't care about my love for him...
"From the things that he's been doing, there is no 'if he loves me.' I'm sure that he doesn't love you."
That person...has a point...
but...
right now...I'm currently listening to what my SCOUT friend has to say. I never spilled out the details...but just stating the general...seemed to be enough for one to understand..
"What he did was fked up. I would be pissed if my gf did that to me, which she did. We got in a big fight about it, and then now, she doesn't do it anymore. Basically, my gf had done the same things that your boyfriend is/had done. One difference is that she's stopping and she's learned from her mistakes already while he's just making a bigger fool of himself by doing the same things that tore you guys up in the first place. I wish my gf made promises, but now that I look at you, I guess actions are enough since she never promised but she's stopping on her own due to the fact that she loves me and wants to stay with me."
He also said...
"Plus, deep down...aren't you sick and tired of this? Always going through these kinds of things over and over and over again and nothing ever happens."
"I also don't really need to know who you are. From a different stand point, it really doesn't matter because how's he treating you is just how's he treating you. I mean, YOU can change and be someone different but is that going to change how's he going to treat you? If you can do it once, twice, and even three times...there is a high percent that he's going to do it again. Even if you work at it now, there will be problems in the future because he hasn't STOPPED."
"He's 'been there' for you emotionally, but now he's only there for you physically. LOL Anyone can be there physically...but being there with you emotionally is on a whole different level."
"But listen...about the girls, whatever he did...BACK THEN, it's over. You guys are back together, those things are now in the past. Let it go. If he realizes some stuff, he should. And what's the point of holding onto them when he realizes what he's done?"
Okay, so...he had a point until the realization part. First of all, my bf made promises to me...which allowed me to let go of the bad times before summer. HOWEVER, he's doing it again...so basically, he didn't realize anything. Now...IF he realizes some stuff for REALS right now...well he's not showing it.
"Maybe he hasn't apologized because he's still uncertain about it? He's still scared? I don't know what he's thinking but he could also be still hiding it because he's scared that he might lose you. If he didn't care if whether he loses you or not, then he would just tell you without putting no thought into it. Listen, it's the past now. If he's still doing it and will do it again in the future, then you'll know what to do. But now, he's cried. He may start to realize some stuff now, maybe not everything that you want him to realize...but know at least that he's cried and know SOME stuff that you wanted him to know."
"If he admits it to you and answers truthfully, he's being honest, which...he HAS realized some things...unless he knows that there's no point in hiding it from you anymore since u already know the truth...then okay, idk. But look, you guys are together now, what's the point of letting go because of the past? If he's STILL doing it and will do it in the future, then okay...do what you have to do. And if he's NOT and never going to do it again, then really...it's the past."
"All I know is...whomever he called, whomever he texted, WHATEVER he did...is back then. He realizes some stuff now, I can't say that he realizes all the stuff that you wanted him to realize yet..but he realizes some stuff now...he cried and wanted to get back with you."
Another person...who knows him quite well told me...
"It seems like he's not going to cherish you or treat you any better and he doesn't seem to plan on that."
"He's missing out on a great girl...sadly, he's not going to settle down on this relationship."
Jen: If he really loves me, I thought it'd be different. because there are some couples out there and the two people really do love each other. All they need is each other.
"Well it would have to be two-way love then. One sided love is self-deterioating."
Jen: Well then...aren't I the only one loving then? So obviously...he doesn't love me right?"
"Yes, from what's going on there is no 'if he loves me'."
"There are a lot of things you don't know about most guys. What they'd say...just for keeps. Because...he doesn't love you...if he does, he wouldn't play around with your feelings like this. Imagine this in the future...when you guys are husband and wife, and he does this shit again."
"You're forgiving, but what if you have kids. Are THEY going to be forgiving?"
"I'm just giving you an honest opinion based on what's going on."
As I listen to what these people have to say...
I realized that...none of this...really isn't my fault anymore...
History is repeating itself...BUT this time...one difference is that...
I'm not at fault here anymore...usually...when I talk to these ppl...they would imply that it's my fault or either side with him. But now...it's different.
I'm not strangling him, he shouldn't feel this way. When you love somebody, there IS no strangle. There shouldn't be. For example...if he doesn't want me to be around guys...I would be okay with that because I love him and if the things I do are hurting him...then I would stop. It's the LOVE that makes one do things for the other.
I'm no longer single, why the hell would I be looking at other guys? Unlike other girls...even when I'm NOT HAPPY in a relationship, I STILL would be faithful.
But is he going to see that? Is he going to appreciate that?
Another difference between the problem now and the same problem in the past is...
I am guilt free. I have apologized for everything...back then...did I apologize? No, I was expecting too much...didn't even care to think about apologizing and doing MORE than just a simple sorry.
But now...what do I have to hold in? I've apologized for everything, have I not? I even PROVED to him that I meant my words, have I not? I sent him an email, I tried to make the anniversary special on my OWN...have I not?
"What do you see in Tuan...seriously?"
Jen:
