♥Daily Blog: Keep Smiling, Love

The person I treasured most has decided to walk away from a question that meant more than any amount of money in the world to me.
I feel happy for him though. Maybe I'm somewhat hurt inside...but I'm truly happy for him.
I was never a good person (: There's a reason for my family to despise me, a reason for people to not "approve" me, a reason that I'm alone.

I think....from now on...I will love him from a distance.
When he made his promises, I became the happiest girl in my life. I thought that all that pain from before was...worth it.
He said that he became a better person, but when he broke all his promises, this action shows that he never learned from his mistakes.
But...I don't blame him. If I were his someone, he would never dare to break his promises. Just like I...I would never lie to him. Lying to him and breaking promises are like killing who I am inside. Why would I destroy my integrity? I have integrity, and yes, I am a freakishly super honest person. It's crazy, isn't it?
I've been blind. I've been giving love to him, but I never opened my eyes to see that he wasn't reciprocating. So from now on, I will love him from a distance. All these tears have washed away the blur.
He chose to walk away. Isn't that enough said, Jen?

I keep smiling, though. As I go through old pictures, I would smile and laugh. I remember exactly how he love me. I remember exactly what his love was like. I need to withdraw myself now. I'm not his someone. And when he chose to walk away, clearly...I am not his someone. I don't want to force myself upon someone who doesn't love me in return.
Thus, I will love from a distance.
Isn't this you, Jen? Loving from a distance. So you.

Smile, and love from a distance. Just like how you liked that one guy for three years...

Now...love the person you love...for eternity.
From a distance.

One day, I will write novels based on the good memories he has given me. Sad novels, happy novels. One day, I will write sad songs and happy songs.
I will love him forever. Even forever isn't enough. I've found my perfect person in him, and maybe it was never meant to be for that part of him to stay.
But...it was meant to be that I've seen that part of him. This is what I live for. To love, to get hurt, to cope it by concealing the pain with a smile. My future is not fortuitous.

Yet, I've found the one person I will love for a lifetime. And I'm truly happy for that. This is the best gift that life has given me. So I must learn to make the best of it.

Perhaps there are some things from pseudopsychology that are true.
According to one reading, it says that I would rather be single forever and love one person...than to get married and suffer from not being loved.
He drives me insane, breaking promises, talking to other girls, doesn't truly love me, lies to me..
But I still love him.

Thank you, Life, for giving me the opportunity to feel what true love really is. I'm sorry to say that I do not know the best side of love, but I'm glad to say that I know what caring and loving someone more than myself is like.

Whatever happens, happens. And for what does happen, hopefully it happens for the best.

I gotta be who I really am. I cannot let my pain create this fake person.
I gotta be who I really am.

He chose to walk away.
The real Jen will let it be. She has already tried. So now, she will love from a distance. Let it be. Love from a distance. That is how I love.

Keep smiling, love. Keep smiling.

I finally learned how to carry this load on my back =D yay!