♥Daily Blog: No More

No texts...no replies...no calls...nothing...nothing at all...to respond to last night's messages/calls
i didn't even know he would go to work...

he was better all along...
and all along he was somewhat pretending to want to see me...he doesn't even try or really want to
andi left my phone on all night...all day...no messages...no calls...no replies...
nothing

i thought he was sleeping still...that he was still sick...not able to get up...
i was foolishly wrong...
he doesn't want to hear from me or let me know anything...why cant i take the hint and stop calling...stop leaving messages...stop all...i get nothing in return...

and when he picked up...he wasn't gentle...sounded harsh... "I'm at work. I can't talk right now."

it was harsh...his voice was gentle either...he was pissed...sounded annoyed...

oh...i get it...

he went to work. oh...i get it...i'm a nobody to him. it wasn't in a gentle voice that said, "Sorry, honey, I'm at work right now. I'll get back to you when I get the chance."

no...it wasn't that...i was just...a nobody...just like...anyone else.

he thinks...i need something...NEED

what if i just want to talk...what if i didsn't know he was at work...

and...lol...need? haven't i needed him all along...

no...i can't apply to any freaken job...might as well not care and simply get KIDNAPPED.

i can't get a job...I don't have money to get what I plan for this year

and he doesn't respect what i want or even care or even support what i want...for heaven's sake i am not a lady or something for sure

doesn't a gentleman wants to get what the lady wants...fulfills her wishes without expecting the same attitude in return?

no...

he thinks a costume is unnecessary. he doesn't even know how painful it is for me to not get the kimono to be how i want it to be...he doesnt even understand how precious it is for me to have the costume that i planned to make years ago...

no he doesn't care nor does he understand...

i tried to think of a brighter side and decided to just buy a costume...not what i have in mind...but...at least i can still try to get a nice costume...right...
no...

i have no costume this year...nothing...

can't afford pics...nothing...

my senior year...is in ruins...

can't even get a freaken job...if he's not going to support and offer or whatever and actually buy anything for me...

then at least help me get a stupid job. he's not getting anything for me, i'm going to get them myself with my own freaken money

i just need a stupid job and i can't even get to the place to turn in the stupid application

so what...whatever...i'll just take the stupid bus...even if i do get hired...i'll take the bus at night...idc what happens to me...idc anymore...does he even watch the news...whatever
nobody really cares

why should i care then...

i need money...i have no support and he doesn't even respect or understand what i want

instead, he's like "still?" when i told him that i'm still planning to get a costume

forget it

forget it

i dono't need a good hs year. it's all bs...all bs....

no messages...nothing...no replies and i was making a total idiot out of myself by calling him

and then when he picked up, he gave me a harsh sound, harsh words

i didn't even know he was going to work. heh...wanting to see me? no...he didnt'...i thought he was sick and couldn't get up...turns out he was fine and better and decided to not see me anyway

"need something"

what do i need, serously. i need so many things...wanting...but no...what if i want to talk to him...so ic an't talk to him unless i need to

great. didn't even know he was at work

for the past month, he stopped signing on before he leaves for work and leaving me a message on aim

no...all inconsistent...

so what was he saying about the romance continues forever?

lies...all lies...freaken lies...

close mouthed kisses are always now...the natural kisses were diffeerent..but they're no longer here...now...he's just forcing himself to not give me a close mouthed kiss

there's no more love...that falling in love part...no more...

it was all too good to be true for him to want to see me or plan anything...

lies...

they were all...lies...

words that...fool and play around...with my feelings...my happiness...my heart.