♥Daily Blog: Live

I woke up early today. I wasn't sure if I should wake him up or not. But after fifteen minutes, I called. No answer.

Leaving him a message would cause a vibrate so I thought he would have woken up by it.

But when I called at nine, he answered and just woke up.

It turned out that he did come and waited there for quite a long time.

I, on the other hand, was struggling with the fact that he didn't pick up. So there I was, crying, not sure what's going on. Dad woke up already...and well...

I wasn't sure if my lover would come. I was...really stressed. I wasn't sure what's going on.

All i know is...i hate calling him and having him not pick up. Especially when it's important and when he doesnt answer, I feel all weird inside.

So after calling him and leavning him messages, mother saw how stressed I was (i hope she's not suspicious) and told me that dad will drive me.

So DAd took the free way and drove me there.

I wished...it was my lover who would drive me....sure...a father may provide me ride,etc...

But...idk....I guess i want my lover to do all of that...and...in a loving way. Not just provide me stuff but...to provide me love and support....a special love...a romantic and unconditonal love of a soulmate.

My parents may have taken care of me at some point in my life....but that's just the childhood...

It's the second majority of the life...that I would like to have someone love me as a soulmate...as a special someone.

To me, that is beautiful. Starting a new family with someone you choose (even if there are no children). To travel and explore the beauty of the world together...to be able to see life with someone special...to see life in a way that not everyone can see....

Don't be drowned in the world of people. Be original. Pursue money for the sake of someone speical...to see the sunshine in life....

Don't pursue money for yourself or for what you want. To be happy is to want happiness in your special someone. Because in return, your special someone would want the same for you. Both will be happy.

We help each other grow...

Anyway....enough said...

bleh...he came...idk...bad morning...he blew up on me again -___- seriously...i think i'm not uh...lucky...i mean...i love him...but i get yelled at? In a gentleman and true love relationship, even when the wife is wrong and stubborn, the husband just sighs and laughs and talks to her gently on things. Yelling at her is definitely a very bad quality for a real man.

Eh...so i got criticized for loving him with my whole heart and then i got a tone....i got yelled at....

wait... I GOT YELLED AT O.O

what the heck...-_-

i feel weird. he got pissed and yelled at me...i feel really...idk...he's not sensitive of me...and if i'm being stubborn or yell, he does it back. That's not how it was supposed to be...

um...are u sure this is true love? (rhetorical questoin)

bc with true love, lady can scream or slap and the guy would pull her close and kiss her (awwww) and then he would be paitent with her. the woman would be the one to make the relationship unbalance a bit...and the gentleman would balance it back.

bleh....he yelled at me...

and he didnt even compliment me or anything -_-

I wore the dress he bought me and he didn't even say anything. AND i curled or made my hair wavy (how he wanted right) AND i wore the heart necklace he made for me...

....i had to take my other bracelet out bc it didnt match...
but overall i wore like 80 percent of his things and what he wanted

and....i never got complimented...

perhaps....i didn't look pretty and yeah...he wouldn't lie, right?

So...i wasn't beautiful in what i wore...>.< i thought he said i looked beautiful no matter what but still....i wore his things today...and...did the dress looked ugly on me or something...? hm...that must be it...

oh yeah...i bought some pretty cards (: now what to write...hm too bad they have to be given away...

so yeah....the kisses....they're good but....he's been giving me a close mouthed kiss every since that situation....

it's not that i was disgusted by him...i was disgusted at what's down there..to him, it may not matter...but yeah...i'm weird like that...

overall...i'm happy that he's not disgusted by me in any way...

but now...maybe he is?

*sigh* i mean...i would like a kiss that his closed and hard at first...then slowy and ever so gently, he would part my lips and kiss me passionately and then slowly he would enter his tongue more...

....but his kisses....he's not romantic anymore...we already don't have anymore of those swseet kisses...and i wanted them to last forever...even when he and i are 80 or whatever....i want the love to last beautifulyy and successfully...succeeding all other relationships by having a relationship that is grown and happy...and full of youthful love..

and it also seems like....he's not interested in me anymore....

he liked to squeeze me and hug me by the waist...everything....why must he stop...
one of the things i learned is that...

Even if a lady says that she doesn't want it or thinks she's being taken advantage of...

she still wants the guy to continue but to prove to her that he loves her for her...that's all...

but see...not all guys know that...so then they just...whatever

....................-_- i miss the good old him....he only exists in my dreams now....

he was my perfect imperfect person...that side of him...though he couldn't complete all the time...he did try....he stayed up and soothed me....he never yelled at me....

he loved me....

and now? won't try with that much tenacity anymore...he yells...

i mean before, although i wish he would make up the things he did wrong by buying me something and apologizing to me outside and sincerely....or simply write me an honest poem...a letter of sorry....of love....

hm...yeah....i've seen guys making up to their girlfriends honestly through things like that....
but lately...it is I who apologized the most.

it is i who tries to make up....

=/

Because Jen is the one who loves more.

*sigh* i'm....scared.

i miss the old him...the prince...the guy who changed for the better...the guy who, if still continued to try, he would no doubt make me so happy and loved.

*sigh*

oh well....only exists in my memories and dreams now.