♥Daily Blog: I....

I was...

I was excited...when I came to my class on time...

I was....I couldn't...

I couldn't wait until after fourth.....

I wondered...I wondered if he would be there and surprise me....

With a smile on my face...I head out, feeling the joy in my heart...

He never came.

And I called...I left a message...and I called...and called....used up 10 minutes....

he never called back

he never picked up...

he never wanted to come.

I can't believe it...this is the first time....where....he and I....only has met...once a week....and the last time...was....not right....

This was one of the things that I have feared. But no...he kept reassuring me that we'll see each other a lot each week and that our summer will continue. He sounded sweet alright, but right now, what can one infer from this? I had a reason to fear, and now that this happened, i have every reason to fear and to prove myself. It's like a long-distance relationship now, something that i do NOT want. it was what i feared.

but most of all, he fell out of love. he said he was sure. he said that he sees these little things as distractions and that he'll always be with me and that his goal is to get pass it. but now, he just ignores it and find it troublesome.

it has never happened before....i can't believe it...i dont believe it....one day this week.......i cna't believe it.

And after calling him so many times, I felt dead. My voice became course....when he finally picked up...I couldn't believe my ears....

But most of all....

He asked me if I needed something.....

Do I always call because I need something....?

And when I said..."I wanted to see you."

All he could reply was..."I know."

He didn't want to see me too. He seems happy...happy that....we're not seeing each other....

And I can't believe it. It seemed like yesterday where he would say "Omgosh I miss you soo much." and that was just...the weekend....and he always couldn't wait until the next morning to see me...

now....he's not in love with me anymore....

if there's love...at all....it's bc he just loves me....not in love...but just love....i'm not even sure....what kind of love....

I know...i know....
Stop talking. I already know.

everyone comes before me...I am the last person...the last significance....on his list....

And it's okay...it's okay it's okay....it's okay....it's.....okay....

really...it's okay.....

it's ok...if his love for me was temporary....
it's ok it's ok.

it's okay if he doesn't treat me like before anymore...it's okay...

this isn't an assumption...it is fact. It is fact that he doesn't want to see me like he used to anymore....it is fact....i mean for the first time ever....

he doesn't miss me....not one bit....nor did he wanted to see me....

it's always me....to initiate....bc all along....i was the one who wanted to see him...not the other way around.

But I love you....I very much love you....













Watashi wa....anata....
Totemo aishite imasu..
Do you know that....anata wa watashi no saisho de saigo no aisuru hito desu?

Shojiki ni aishimasu...

But...anata mo watashi?

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currently writing a mixed of english and japanse song...

i'm dedicating it to him....i hope he'll be surprised...but should i sing it to him....or spend weeks creating the melody on the program, record it, and then play it and i sing it on a vid?

strange....all those questions...all those words....they are from my very own heart....from somewhere inside...in which...i never knew i had