♥Daily Blog: Copies

Some girl copied my layout of advertisement for her ebay item. Oddly enough, the astrology thing.

She was able to put up the "buy it now" logo and managed to attract customers more than I did.

stupid logo

worse yet, she copied my layout -_-

which means that if i had had that logo thing, i would have sold something by now -_______-

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Teachers picked on me for some reason now.

Ever since that period of hell for me, the people I've turned to became the people who dislike me.

Furthermore, even teachers who never had me before picked on me.

I was quiet and did my work. Last night I slept for only two hours...waking up every hour to type something...head back to sleep...

2AM i woke up...type type type

3AM I woke up...type type type

4AM I woke up...type type type

4:30AM I woke up and never went back to sleep..

I got yelled at for putting "Jennifer N." on top of my paper. I put my name like that for all of my classes...none of my teachers ever had a problem with that...but this teacher...pointed me out in front of the class...and I remained quiet, somewhat ashamed and embarrassed.

And I got a 34/35 for that -_-

And I stayed up to work on that homework >.<

...

My last year's teachers never looked at me the same way. My new teachers looked at me in the same way as my other teachers did.

I just don't understand what's going on. No, I'm not paranoid. I just have good intuition and insight on others.

After school, I went to ask one of my old teachers for something, and instead of saying no in a nice way, she rejected me in a way that I felt so low of myself.

My face grew pale, and every limb of my body became cold.

Every teacher had loved him...

Sometimes...I feel as if...I shouldn't be with him because others just don't want me to.

I got out of her class...walked home...lost and confused.

I tried to talk more this year...but...

No one has ever accepted me...

I'm not accepted by anyone from anywhere.

As I walked...I felt...ashamed....hurt...little did she realize, she had attacked directly at my character.

The way the words were put out...the facial expression she gave me...all too much...the smile that I gave her when I entered...that smile disappeared in just seconds...and I could feel my face being cold. It was as if I had seen a ghost.

I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I turned to her just in case...she was my favorite teacher...but...although she had liked at me first, right now she didnt.

If she was going to say no, she could at least say it in a polite way and at least give me a light smile...

She made me feel...stupid...as if...I shouldn't even consider of signing up for it in the first place.

And that's when I realized...how alone I was in the world. I wasn't accepted by anybody. I was going to leave high school with my teachers end up looking at me in a different perspective.

I wasn't accepted by anywhere...school...home...outside...

I wasn't accepted by my family...the people at school....him...

Though I know I have some flaws...

Was I ever...a liar...a cheater...an underachiever? Did I ever disrupt their classes, gossip about the people at school, or treated him badly?

If I were rude, then I wouldn't mind not being accepted. I don't mind not being accepted by others if I were some disrespectful and inconsiderate person...

But I'm not like that...at least...I dont think so...

I dont know...what I'm doing wrong...was....being a little more open...too much?

Ever since that period last year...everyone loved him...and no one understood from my point of view...

though he aims to be a better person....and he's succeeding in that...

I aim to heal myself and be a little more open...but everyone looks down...

and today...the person whom I looked up to at a certain time in the past...turned out to be the person who later disliked me.

From the look in her eyes...her tone...her diction...her behavior from the end of last year toward me...

I got it. I got the message.