♥ Daily Blog: Just Maybe (Pt.3)

I'm still haunted by the past.
Still insecure as ever...

I thought I'm okay now, but there's no doubt that I'm really not.

I slept in the morning and woke up in the afternoon.

Worked out and cleaned out my computer...

I wasn't sure whether to sign on or not. Maybe it was best if I just stay silent.

So I signed on and I wasn't sure if there was anything for me to say. I just sat there. After ten minutes, he didn't approach me. He was silent.

How odd, I thought.

I didn't know what to say so I just typed "Hey."

No reply. He must be doing something.

But then after I checked back for a response, I noticed that his status changed. His old status was 30 days old...I thought he would leave it there as permanent or something. I was wrong. I never once changed my status to something else. I only changed it into something sweet...for him. Well, nothing I could or can do.

No reply though. Suddenly, I felt every part of my body turning numb. My heartbeat increased its rate. For a moment, everything around me became a blur. However, the only thing that was clear was the IM box.

Before I could calm down, my head started to hurt. I felt weak. My hands quiver. I slowly typed more, telling him that I'll be going since he would not like to speak to me. I went invisible, just in case if he changed his mind.

Nothing.

And then...

My haunted memories took over my mind. I was clouded with them. This was one of the first signs that led to the nightmare. I suddenly felt so weak. My heart felt as though it was ripping apart slowly, torturing me.

My breathing cut short. I blindly took a hold of my phone and dialed his number. Nothing.

And then...I slowly saw myself walking the same road as last time.

I was walking toward the edge of my downfall.

Oh no...please...not this again, I thought, horrified.

Lately, things have not been going so well. I'm not sure what to do. Should I prepare for the worse now?

He won't tell me what happened last night...nor did he tell me what he did after he woke up...

I'm not able to tame him any further.

I'm afraid...that he has...broken some promises today...

I'm scared of him now. I'm scared of him...

I just want to know the truth now.

I have been...used.

Instead of fighting for something like how much he really loves me and cares about me and that I can trust him and that our bond will not ever break...

He has chosen to fought against me...for himself...