*sigh* My favorite priest. He sure knows how to say things and give examples that catch my eye and apply to me in a way.
During the time when we offer each other peace, Dad would not even shake my hand.
My lover will never be able to understand what I'm going through. He and his mother may have fights and disagreements, and I sometimes have them with my mother too (not as often, but still)
However, having a parent who doesn't acknowledge you, talk to you, or even look at you is an entire different story.
To make things worse, I'm living with that parent under the same roof.
"You guys have a tension that is growing worse," my sister pointed out.
I acted normally the whole time. He was the one who withdrew his hand. Basically, he doesn't even recognize that what he did to me the other day was wrong while I actually accepted the fact that I had no right to slam that thing down.
Just because he's my parent doesn't mean that I have to give in. He's not even a good role model.
I respect him as a person, but if he refuses to respect me, then whatever. It's not like I glared at him or anything. I just acted normally.
If he doesn't see me as his daughter anymore, then at least look at me as a person.
I've been feeding myself things that are not even considered "food."
Last night I had to sneak downstairs and grab a few pieces of peach to eat.
Yesterday I ate the leftover pizza crusts in which my sister intended to throw away.
I can't eat ramen noodles all the time. I might as well not eat at all.
The man doesn't even bother to ask what I eat or even wonder if I have anything to eat at all.
Mother couldn't buy anything home because he would make a huge fuss out of it.
She's too tired to make food lately, and so I just told her that I ate something (which I did...leftover pizza crusts.)
I wonder if I have anything to eat today.
I asked my sister to get me two cups of starbucks cappucino ice cream since she was going to Stater Bros, but my sister said no and she didn't even talk to me when I ask her, "Are you going to get that for me or not?"
When will I get a freaken job.
I'm a seventeen year-old and I fceel as though I know absolutely nothing.
Having a parent who tries to hurt you and neglects you...
Having the other parent who's having trouble with her own self and has other worries and blames you for whatever that just happened
Having a sibling who doesn't even bother helping you with a survival category: food.
Having that sibling to say things that make you feel worse and simply turns around when you try to say something.
Having a lover who can't handle your emotional needs.
Having a best friend who doesn't act like your best friend.
All I can do now is to sleep and sleep...it's the only energy source I can use right now.
....
must get this tomorrow at Target...
i need two >.<
but then i want a magic 8 ball too. rawr.
looks like i have no birthday present this month -_- No bday money from that man. Mother only buys one clothing piece for me, but then again, she'll be buying my yearbook and senior pic.
grrrr...i still don't have a dress...this is insane...my summer isn't how i planned it...i thought i would have a summer job and so i spent a lot of money during the school year.
dfjdfdkfjdkfj all i can do is write and read...but for once i want to get something that I don't need but rather would like to have -_-
*sigh* i think i have enough money to buy only two of those beanies...or either one beanie and one 8 ball...but then I need two beanies...uh...birthday present for myself then...tough decision on choosing tm...
i wish i had more money so then I can buy those beanies for myself "just beacuse" and can get a real bday present -_-
the thought of having a summer job screwed me over badly.
i still don't have a halloween costume! i can't believe that my senior year already looks bad >.< i even planned my senior year while i was just a freshman.
dfjdfdjk dreams may come true to others...but my dreams and goals? definitely impossible.
for some reason, my plans are never carried out right...i just wish...my one wish for myself this year...i just wish senior year will turn out as I have planned it...
looking at it now. it won't come true. things are already falling into pieces...
*sigh* once i have my eye on something, I know that I must have it.
and right now I have my eye on two hello kitty beanies and a magic 8 ball.
ggggggrrrrrr i should stop thinking. i must sleep. i just want this nightmare to be over. >.<
