♥ Daily Blog: How

How can he say that he loves me more when clearly, I'm the one wanting to change this, do this, do that...but i can't.

I'm the one who feels like before.

He talks too much, says so many things, but rarely walk his talk.

What is the point to say "I'll do this" or "Don't worry, I'll get it done" when those are just words for temporary use?

I always keep promises. Even when I don't make promises, I keep my word.

Looking back, one of my friends was right. She was just telling it to me casually, and I just laughed. But inside, I started to question myself too.

I know many things, and I'm never going to say what I know. I'm just trying to leave it behind, hoping that those things will not occur again. But secretly, I know.

I know that one of the reasons to why he would keep his word from time to time is that I mention it and then he decides to prove it.

But really, if I haven't mention anything, nothing would have happened.

Words are just words.

When there is an accident, illness, etc., I'll understand. But then, he doesn't even keep his word during the times when he was fine. Therefore, I just feel...bleh. Hard to be secure with his words...i keep waiting for actions.

right now, i just know that he's not like the first time anymore.

no doubt about it. no turning back. no changes. nothing.

idk anymore.

lol kind of hurts to know that one loves someone so much but...that person just talk the talk...saying things when clearly, actions show something entirely different.

what can i do.

nothing. except accepting the fact that if this continues, it's going to be hard to love him with an honest happy feeling. it's like..."You love that person, yes. But after hoping so many times and telling that person what bothers you and hurts you over and over again...and with no change and no consideration, the good side of love slowly dies. You still love the person, but...your heart will hurt. You just let it be...knowing that everything is hopeless."

I'm happy when I'm around him, that's for sure. But...of course...sometimes I wish he is true to me.

Also, no job pisses me off.

I need a standing job. I need a job that allows me to free my mind and exercise my mind. I need a job that can help me to be more quick-witted and know more about the world.

No job pisses me off. Right now....I really need one.

Then again...if I don't find a job...perhaps the reason to that is that it's meant to be...that the fact that it's meant for me to leave.

Well, I'll just go with that reason. No job? Fine. A better reason to go.

~jen-jen