♥ Daily Blog: Happiness is Impossible

How can I be happy when the things that I really want and aim for cannot be obtained because I have no money? I'm desperately looking for a job...and I can't seem to find one. I want that 3 month promo so badly...and I can't...I'm sitting at home having nothing to do.

I really should have taken Calculus...I sit at home most of the week...eating....getting fat...getting bored...nothing to do...

What's a fast, easy way to earn money? I seriously need a job. I rather get at least 200 bucks than to have nothing. I honestly need a job. Why can't anyone take me seriously? Then again, L doesn't really need a job because she can go anywhere she wants. Tiff has her sister to help her.

When it comes to "Shouldn't you be asking your bf to help you? Why me?" I just sigh. I love him, but...all he really focuses on is his needs.

Everyday I sit in this chair being so mad at myself and start to cry from being so angry. It's strange...usually when I'm mad...I'm just mad...now..I'm crying for being mad. It's insane.

Choir. I'm going to have to get a 90 dollar dress and plus who knows what I need to get. All my lunch money will go to the things I need and I'll never get the things that I want...

Each time I go to the bookstore, I die a little inside. One book that I've been wanting isn't there anymore. Another book is gone. I'll never get anything I really desire.

Even a wallet that I really like...I can't even afford.

Now...the thing that helps me free my mind is the gym...and I can't even afford it...

What if I'm so desperate and I would blindly pick a job and not care what I do? *sigh* prostitute? it is the easiest AND the fastest way.

no no.

must snap out of it.

maybe i can't get a job for a reason...

perhaps i should l**** and have better luck in finding one somewhere *a* a***?

i can't wait until july 28th where i can say good-bye to orange county.

...i feel sick now...

~jen-jen