♥ Daily Blog: The Unexpected

It turned out that I had to leave today. How can no one told me until today? I didn't even finish packing my things. Heck, school just ended today. All so unexpected...I am nowhere done with packing my things.

I was supposed to leave at midnight. I'm not sure how my ticket will be cancelled.

During graduation, I realized that all my goals for my junior year were not reached. The reason for that is because I met him. And no, that isn't a bad thing. In fact, I wanted to put him first. Initially, I was aiming for NHS, red cross, and wac. Sometime along the year, I found myself skipping wac meetings and red cross meetings. I wanted to be with him that much...I wanted to be with him, and that was why I sacrificed everything else. But...along the way...it seems to me that he already has plans...

I was...Mr.Z's favorite student...until all of a sudden, she stepped in...it all happened so fast. Mr. Z trusted me with so many things...asking me to run errands for him....not only has she messed up my love life, but she also took something that I could have had...I worked so hard in Spanish...acing my tests...scoring 100's....hasn't messing with my love life enough...why must she take so many things from me...

Ever since then, I still have perfect scores, but...my teacher stopped talking to me like the usual. Instead, he talked to them, because all of a sudden, they came to him and stuff.

Today's graduation was great. I'm so proud of him....just so proud of him....he is truly an amazing person...

I had great pictures with him. I met his family, but...for some reason, there was an awkward chill when I was around them. I've been around loving people before, and I know what's it like to be loved,etc. But...for some reason, I felt left out.

Dinner was okay. His mother talked to me. She talked to me about her past and how she knows that she is strict. I casually told her about trust, but she countered my reason with a bird example.

I'm not wrong, and she isn't wrong either.

"One day, you'll know what it's like to have to take care of your children. You don't know anything right now."

She even asked me what I wanted to be, and I just told her that I'm undecided. She then asked me what college I'm planning to go to. She told me that going to healthcare is good. A career in acting or music isn't good.

"Nobody needs music. Nobody needs acting."

I know that music isn't even a stable career, but I'm out to pursue what makes me happy and what makes my life worthwhile. Teaching is my back-up job, a job to fall back into if my music and writing career fails. My teacher once told me, "You have a gift for music. If you can compose music in your head, you should not give up on that. Graduate college with a teacher's degree to fall back into in case things don't work out. Even if things are temporary, it wouldn't hurt to explore and enjoy for a short moment. Who knows? You might gain a lot of money just based on your talents."

His mother's words not only got me thinking, but at the same time, I felt as if it was criticism right there. She's definitely not going to approve me if she knows about my career plans I have in mind.

Throughout dinner, I felt...dazed. I realized that I don't have anything. All I know is how to love. All I know is about love. How is that going to bring me success? I've always loved music. "Nobody needs music." That phrase continues to echo in my head. I felt empty, sad, and broken.

Of all things, though, I realized that he's going to be very busy with life. I don't want to be lonely...if he's really pursuing a dream...I don't want to interfere it.

He's not always going to be there when I need him or when I want him. I don't want to cause any trouble. Just talking to his mother...I really don't want to make his life miserable.

I've always wanted to be treated like a lady. I'd like to be taken care of and be protected. That doesn't mean that I can't do things for myself though...

On the ride home, a phone call came at the wrong time. I tried to talk softly, but I couldn't make it impossible to be heard. He heard a lot of things, and I couldn't do anything about it. In the end, I had to spill it out.

Apparently, I was supposed to be away tonight. I didn't even finish packing, and all of this was unexpecting. But..he told me he wanted me to stay...I don't know what I was supposed to do...

I went home...thought about things...and well...if he really means what he says, I'll fight for it. And so, I cancelled, which is kind of bad because that's my final answer. I was undecided...and I was forced to make a decision today.

Hopefully...staying here is the right choice...

For now, though, I don't know.

He seems so busy...