♥ Daily Blog: Reminiscing (Pt.2)

Church choir was off today, and I didn't know about it so I arrived early. I started to walk out to wait outside when I saw a little boy sitting on the steps of the choir lot. We both smiled at each other, and I told him gently, "Hi, you're not supposed to sit there." The boy was shy, and still smiling, he got up right away and ran out the door. He was afraid that he was in trouble. I locked the lot so nobody could get in. The door wasn't closed yet, so I could see the little boy waving at me from outside and I waved back. I pushed the door to get out. Immediately, he said, "I was waiting for my mom." He had a shy smile on his face, his hands were behind his back, and he couldn't look at me even though he was facing me. I just smiled and laughed, "Of course. Wait for her inside, but don't go up the stairs. Don't worry. It's okay."
The little boy nodded, still having that shy smile on his face. He ran back inside, and I said after him, "Bye."

He was quite cute, actually. He was very obedient, innocent, and shy. Hm, I'm beginning to prefer little boys over little girls.

I find it strange the way I felt and the way I talked to him. I felt very relaxed, and I talked to him very gently. I didn't know that I had that side of me. I feel awkward knowing that I do have that side of me.

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I cannot compete for the friendship they had. It's as simple as that. I'm not sure what I'm looking forward to anymore. All I know is that I'm moving forward.

T: hey u did sleep rite? xP
J: i slept at 3:20
T: that's still late -.- but at least its something xP

T: u did the table for me xDD
T: and help me on some questions
T: without u, i would have just done date, con, and error

T: wat makes u think i would forget u?
J: well more like lose contact, which eventually leads to idk
J: not exactly forgetfulness
J: but yeah
J: you might get the idea
T: lol i'll try not to xD
J: see? that means there's a possiblity that you will
J: lol
J: well it's only like october
J: we'll see
T: lol well wat i meant to say was that I won't forget u xDD, idk about u xD
T: but yeah its kinda early xP
J: haha i remember everyone. well everyone i know well
T: haha well i hope im one of them xP
J: you are

T: oh em gee u watch bleach? xP
J: lol well usually during my breaks and summer
J: i have a lot of catching up to do
T: hahah
T: well i think we are a bit closer :P

T: like most things in life xDD
T: to get things u really want u have to do something or sacrifice something

T: well jen...
T: its been a fun time talking to u x
J: lol let me guess
J: u need to go to sleep
T: lol u know me too well

T: om gosh jen xP
J: hm?
T: ur writing is readable xD
T: actually it looks nice xD

T: i'm soo impressed with u xDD
T: cause its soo organized xDD

T: :] well for a moment there i thought u were mad at me xDD

T: wat if i had cuts on my wrist? XD
J: first of all, are you actually going to show them to me?
J: o.o
T: lol maybe...
T: lol i told u xDD
T: i'm comfortable with telling u things xDD

T: hahah well at least i know u care a bit xDD

T: hahah well ur special xP, not many ppl can be nice most of the time xP

T: if ur happy then smile, if ur sad then cry
T: well it's ok to me xP

T: plus ur a pretty considerate person to those u know
T: and u like to smile a lot too
T: and ur an independent person
T: am i getting these things right so far? xP
J: how do you know i like to smile a lot
T: cause u always laugh when i talk to u xDD
J: is that a good thing?
T: even when i say the most retarded things
T: hahah could be
T: of course i'd rather see u smile than be sad xD

T: well i'm glad i can put a smile on ur face :p
J: well tbh, i think that's the only time i actually smile
J: i think i'm suffering from depression at the moment but yeah
T: omg...
T: i feel soo speical now :p
T: we should talk more often since thats the only time u smile xP

T: haha yeah but the ppl i like to talk to the most are my two friends that i trust and u xD
J: really..well that means you have to divide your time in three's
T: one is in college and one is in tustin

T: lol i wish we can switch places xDD
T: i need to get more serious and u need to get more chilled xDD

T: wat other classes do we have together xD
J: um...oh yeah
J: forgot
J: eh i think i'll stay up all night
T: hahahahahahah nooooo girl, but guess wat?

T: well i feel better if u lead the lab xP
J: ic ok
T: kays thanks
T: omg jen don't crash xP
J: ..i won't
J: not yet
J: i'll fight it
T: lol go to sleep xP
J: i can't
J: i really can't
T: gah im worried about ur health xP
J: i tried to substitue sleep with food
J: but then recently
J: it didn't work
T: D:
T: ur gonna give me a heart attack one of these days xP

T: hey jen, im a forgetful person so can u remind me to bring all the things tm? xP but i'll write a note to myself, but just to make sure xP

T: well i know ur a sensitive person
T: so i care what i say and do to u xP
T: or at least i try to

J: i should leave u alone then
T: lol naw
T: don't worry about it
T: ur keeping me awake xDD
J: lol but i'm talking to you through aim
J: just like ur friends
T: lol well at least ur not a jerk like him xDD
T: mocking me when i'm stressed

T: lol cause ur a diligent worker xD
T: lol well it shows that ur dedicated to wat u do
T: hard to find that in a girl xP
T: i mean girls are like w/e, and they get guys who are suckers to do their work for them
T: and they do other things
T: while u...
T: u do ur own work, rarely accept help
T: so u don't use guys like most girls do
T: idk about u
T: but that's effing special xD

T: well i'm just saying that it's hard to find someone like u xP

T: i'll still talk to u xDD
T: as much too
T: cause yeah thanks to the lab...i got to know u better
T: and we have a lot in common (as far as i can see)
T: and to me ur an interesting person
T: so don't think that i only talk to u cause of labs, it was the reason at the start, but not anymore

T: i'll keep an eye out for u xP
T: if he gives u problems then i'll fix him xDDD

T: lol well i'll be there just to be sure he doesn't make a move on u ;D

T: hahah well if i can make u laugh then i feel better about myself

T: yeah, but ur the only one at school i can really be honest with

T: but ur a different case
T: i'd rather hang out with u than relax xP

T: well don't worry, i just want u to feel as comfortable around me like i am around u

T: if i told u that id rather hang out with u than relax...what would i do with a gf? xP

T: Hey ms. Nguyen, did u get any sleep? xP

T: hey i'm just curious but do u always go to the library after school? xP

T: i'm worried about u xP
J: nah you shouldn't. it's only a lack of sleep
T: lol i'm still worried about u xP
T: don't ask me y but i do xP

T: id rather have u tell me and i worry about it for a bit xP

T: lol well...hmm...look at it this way xP
T: if i show concern
T: it means i care about u and ur well being xP
T: and if i don't care about ppl, i wouldn't waste any energy concerning what they do xP

T: wow it seems like im the first one to do alot of things xP

T: :O
T: i am not a player xP
T: if i like someone, i'll stick to that person xP

T: hmm how about a guy?
J: well since i'm not as talkative as other girls
J: i guess i like a guy who'll talk
J: well not to be talkative but u get the idea
J: otherwise it'll be too boring
J: and he should have a sense of humor and is loyal and honest
J: helpful, generious, i have a big list :]
J: yeah i'm picky

T: but u seem to know exactly who u want xP
T: now all u have to do is look for it in a person

T: id bet if guys know u better at least as much as i know u they will fall for u for sure :P

T: one thing doesn't cancel out the other
T: lol but then again, u'll attract guys who like quiet girls
T: but be careful for those ppl
T: they can take adv of u

T: i'm not trying to make u cry D:
T: i dunno y u would think that
T: lol im not out to get u jen


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so many to remember...october 18 will be posted up tm

i'm not going to remember every single thing...i'm trying to erase as i remember...as of now...everything i posted up yd are only held back by thin strings.

once i reach a certain time point, everything will be cut off.

unless...he comes back. unless this tiny wall is broken down.

but even when i hope for that, i can't rely on it anymore.

I don't know if the guy i love senses what i'm doing....but if he does...he'll bring all those things back and come back to me.

anyway, one more full week to see the body that my lover was in. That different person has banquets to go to anyway...this week was pretty much the last full week to spend time with that person.

my lover is lost right now. i wonder where he is...