♥ Daily Blog: A Nightmare

My hand was pressuring my heart in the morning while I was still sleeping. I had a nightmare.

This nightmare wasn't about ghosts, monsters, or murderers. Instead, it was about him. Because it was a nightmare, I wouldn't look or analyze the dream. However, the nightmare revealed what my current fear is.

I'm last on his myspace list right now. The nightmare made it worse. In the nightmare, he suddenly put more and more people on his list, pushing me all the way to the very end. I saw myself literally trying to reach him through all the guys standing between me and him. I couldn't make it through. I couldn't reach him. I couldn't reach him. That side of him was completely gone. What was in his place was a mask, a facade. I was down the list. I couldn't reach him even when I tried. I couldn't see him through all the people separating me from him. A nightmare...such a nightmare.

I woke up when I couldn't take it anymore.

This nightmare confirmed what my current fear is.

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I went to Golden West College today to take a look around. Okay, the campus is VERY freaky. No wonder people get raped so often. -_- The buildings were old, and a spooky feeling kept following me. Seriously, it was like those empty places in the scary movies. The air was silent, but the weather was cool within the campus.

Well, I found a 24 Hour Fitness near the college!

okie! I'm going to apply to places near edinger. Since I can't apply at Kohls...maybe I can apply at the Target on Beach Blvd.? Or...Marshalls near there? Hm...I must...find a job as soon as possible....Should I take the bus tomorrow?

Bleh...I forgot something in my locker...must pick it up tomorrow...

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For some reason, whenever I'm on a college campus, a feeling of sadness and emptiness sweeps over me. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that someone will have his heart once he's in college. I'm afraid...that he may not be as reserved as he plans to be. Already, he's not 100 percent faithful to me, or so it seems like it...

I'm afraid...and I shouldn't be. But...I'm afraid...