♥ Daily Blog: 17 Again

I'm not his dream, period.

Maybe I'll use a different word next time...instead of dream...use "wish." If his main wish doesn't come true yet and he still makes one...then...I'll know for sure that I'm not his dream. If the main wish is already true...and if it was me and only me...then...maybe i'll consider the answer?

idk..anymore...that first answer was..eh...

i'm not his dream, period.

i had dreams before...but my main dream was the dreamguy...and now...all i see is him...meaning that...i will never be loved more than i've given love because i'm not that guy's dream...

*sigh*

............we're not best friends...i wish we were..but we're not...because if we were..we would talk to each other like best friends too...anything on our minds at the moment...everything..no hesitation to talk about problems...no hesitation to talk about what's bothering...and the other would listen...


that is why..it's better to be best friends and lovers as well...cause we would then only have each other...and no one else...

but...if he and i are only lovers...which is what i see...then...idk anymore.

idk what to look forward to...idk what else to dream anymore...

i'm sad. i'm simply sad that im not his best friend. i'm just a friend to him...

i'm sad that he doesn't know how to cheer me up anymore. recently, he would make me laugh...talk about it..and make me laugh...now...seems to me that he has no clue on how to cheer me up and feel better anymore...resulting that he's not ready anymore...

i'm sad to know that i'm not his dream...and that there will always be something ahead of me...

sad to know that...he refuses to talk about things bc he doesn't know how to cheer me up...

idk anymore.....all he wants to do now is drop half the topics we talk about...which is insane...communication is not as good anymore...i've learned from my mistakes and now another thing happens...something that was strong and good before... and now he's letting the past ruin it.

i'm not even his best friend and yet...all this time i see him as one...guess...i have to swallow up things...and not see him as a best friend anymore...bc another thing for me to take in now is that....i see someone as a best friend, and yet, i'm not anyone's best friend.

if communication is bad, then whatever. i'll just keep things in and not express myself anymore. i'll just be like my very old self...where i was hard to read and hard to get to know.

if he wants to be happy, then fine....tbh...i don't think there should be any topic to be uncomfortable to talk about unless he and i aren't best friends and aren't open.

i will enclose myself.

oh yeah...17 Again is such a sweet movie...the guy gave up his career for the girl :] and...all he wanted was a second chance with her...*sigh*

kind of sad to want to have and experience so much with a particular person...but the person doesn't see me the same way...

i go...with whatever...i'll make him happy and i don't need to be happy. whatever. i worked hard to get to where i am..so i'll just leave it as that.

don'tknow what to talk about anymore.

eh..i'll just go with whatever he wants to talk about. he doesn't like to work things out seriously and until i'm at ease. he simply just tries to attempt and that's it. he doesn't even want to talk about deep things...nor does he like them. communication is terrible now.

idk.

i'll just leave it as that. this time, this is his doing...and...whatever his actions are...i'm going to read them. so far...as far as i can see now, i'm not his best friend, i'm not his dream, he refuses to work things out until i feel better, communication has gone from perfect to worse, and now i have to close myself and deal with things alone again. well whatever...he wanted me to be expressive to him...so i did...and now...i have to be inexpressive...shouldn't be that hard...

either way, i'm already on my own. i used to rely on him, now i can't anymore cause i know that all he does is run away from the problem.

eh.

i'll just always pretend that i'm happy.

that will be my way of being inexpressive.