♥ Daily Blog: Reviving

I'm tired of everything already anyway.

*sigh* I really hate it when girls try to fake their niceness. They pretend to be really nice and make you appear as the "bad" guy. Thus, everyone else will think she's the "good" one. But in reality, I'm going to laugh so hard at everyone who's going to be fooled. Go ahead and sound all sweet.

I wonder what dish I will make. Hm...besides...no one asked if I was okay with the dishes. Furthermore, my word wasn't even in it. So, as much as i want to work with him, it's not a full meal. I rather do a full meal with him.

And so, I'm going to try and make something else... :] yeah..maybe i'll help him..well i'll work with him, but i'm not satisfied with the meal thing. Since the meal was planned out without myself knowing, I've already plan on making my own dish. So, I'll help him AND I'll do my own dish.

After school, I suddenly came to see him. Without even planning anything except writing down some lyrics to an old song, I suggested a "game" or whatever to him. I tried to go back and retrace the steps as much as possible. I didn't know why I was doing all that. I was going with the flow. I was doing what both my mind and heart told me to do.

I discussed a lot of things. I was exhausted. Too sad to even cry, too much pain to bear to even know what pain is. I stayed calm.

Today...is indeed my LAST RAY OF HOPE. I've expressed this physically. Going back in time and refreshing our memories are the very last things I can do. I've tried so hard. What else can I do? I've tried and tried. These things are the last things I will do. If nothing good happens, I need to leave.

"You do so much, and what do you get? NOTHING!"

*sigh* I was yelled at for my blindness. lol I'm shy alright, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to sit back and not do anything. I need to prove my point. Even if nothing good will happen, well I hope that my point has gone through, because I've never intended to hurt him. I've never intended for those explosive times. Furthermore, I saw my errors. All I want him to know is that I've never meant for all those bad times. Though I am sorry, what he wants to do or needs to do...that's up to him now. The very last strength I have left...I've used up. There is nothing more that I can do beyond this game today. I also sang him a song...scared to death...nervous...the WORST voice ever. *sigh* must get back to choir. i didn't even warm up. ugh.

but..eh...the lyrics were the ones that I want him to listen.

That's all I can do. It would be nice to have someone to someday be as devoted and in love with me as I am right now. But...eh...I'm starting to revive myself.

Helping someone out with her love life was tough..but...I actually felt good with helping others with love. In the end, I had an okay time at Luau. Not as boring but not as fun. I tried to smile as much as I could. I tried to laugh. I mean...if I was going to look depressed and act depressed, I'm going to ruin my friend's Luau, right. So...just because I'm not 100% happy lately doesn't mean that I have to ruin others' mood. And so...I laughed...etc.

He seemed to have fun too. But...eh...he had an asthma attack...the physical appearance was unbelievable. He looked as though he had aged years and years later. Every part of him was extremely red, with wrinkles on his face...his eyes looked watery, and his muscle tightened up at his arm. I was worried to death, but...I tried to be fine. It was so cold out there though...

eh...I got cut my a scissor. I'm looking at my skin right now, and I realize that she has CUT me with the scissor! My skin was bleeding so badly. Ugh...

eh...more stuff will be added in the diary...

and pics will be posted later...eh...too tired...job hunting tm....

(: jen-jen