♥ Daily Blog: Darkness

I wish my feelings are not treated as a toy. Running around like that...what am I supposed to think? Actions speak louder than words. I've already proved to him my feelings for him. I tried to be around him whenever possible.
If he doesn't seem to care of my presence anymore, I won't bother him anymore.

I still have hope for prom. If true love will never come back to me, at least give me one last happy memory with him.
I still have hope for the future.
But, it's agony to sit and wonder for days and days. Expect the unexpected.

Besides, with other problems in my life, I'm not going to drag anyone into it.
I think...I've hurt him enough. Love is strong, and I just wish he can see the true meaning of it.
I love the person, but I can't stand the person at the same time. Yet, I care about the person so much.

Like an article I wrote...I'm going to wish him happiness even if I might not be part of his happiness. I'm still waiting, but...I need to put my feelings aside. I need to set a barrier now. I'm not going to express my emotoins anymore. I don't care if my feelings will be all bottled up and explode one day. I don't care.

Giving up is NOT my intention. But being respectful IS my intention.

"Some things are what they seem." Hai. If that's the case, then I guess I was right all along.

Even if I'm wrong, I rather have a straightforward answer than to receive a phrase that gets my mind twisted. I am not someone whom anyone can toy around.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. To me, I see potential. He fails to realize it. What am I supposed to do? I tried and tried, but obviously, my feelings are unrequited. I'm in love with him, but he's not in love with me...

I'm doing whatever I can to distract myself...and I know that I can't escape this feeling...because sooner or later...I'm going to face it...

What better way to express my emotion...I need a guitar. I have a song to compose for someone.

I don't want to trouble him any longer. If I'm the only one he sees...I'm sure....he'll prove it to me..someday soon...and I'm still waiting...but...while I'm waiting, I'm going to be more careful. I don't want to force him into anything. It's his freewill.

I admit...that as I'm waiting...I have become cold. My temper is getting worse..probably because I have failed to get someone to see my true feelings. Though in the end I have apologized, seeing nothing...makes me feel awkward. He'll always have my heart.

I have decided. My heart will be completely frozen at midnight on prom night...I'm going to freeze my feelings up...one person in my heart only..but I will no longer show that feeling to anyone.

I know what I did...I know what my actions were...actions speak louder than words...and I know I showed my actions to him already...it's up to him to decide.

I have a song to write. I must say that he's a really awesome guy. He inspired me a lot with music stuff. I'm forever grateful.

And I'm going to smile for him...everyday....so he won't see the hidden pain inside this heart of mine...I love him because I need him.

I can assure that...no girl will ever love him like I do. That's one thing I'm positive and one thing that I'm proud of myself. A girl can make him happy, but if something does go wrong, communication may be lacked. Between me and him however, our communication is strong. With true love, happiness is possible.

I know myself. All I can do is wish him happiness. At times, I wish his choice in happiness will be his choosing me. But, I can't decide that.

I'm not immature. I don't want to be a bother to him anymore. If he wants me to be around him, I'm sure he'll be around me. If not, I'll try my best to accept the fact that my true love is gone.

Just like his astrology has said...

He has two choices. One girl will make him miserable, and trust me, the description of that girl is NOTHING like mine. The other girl's description, however, is like mine. "honest, hardworking, loyal, kind"

He has two choices. I'm one of them. If I can't be a part of his life, all I can do is wish him happiness. I can't do anything even if I know that one day he will be miserable.

I tested this astrology thing on several people already. All were true.

So...I just continue to hope...knowing that anything is possible...

tehe :] now that I have cleared up my mind...

I must say that I'm happy just by loving him :] Even if I think it's unrequited feelings...I'm just happy that there's a person like him walking on this earth! And...I'm glad to have someone to love...it keeps me moving everyday.

No matter what...even if he never knows my true feelings for him...well...I hope someday he'll wake up and see that I truly care about him and that I love him with all my heart :] I may be mean and stuff...but maybe it's because I love him too much :]

*sigh* Love will find a way.

If you truly love someone, you won't let that person go. Because even if you think that the person's better off without you, you're actually just being selfish. If you love someone, you want them to have everything whether you can give it to them or not...

~jen-jen