♥ Daily Blog: Yes or No

Maybe one has reached half-way, but the question is, did he/she reach it all the way? Yes or no.
No.

It's simple. Is he ready or is he not? I just need to know the answer...

Usually, the way I've seen it, the girl is the one who isn't ready. The guy would be fine with it and wait until she is.

As for me, it's the opposite.

Sometimes...I wish I wasn't ready.

I'm only sixteen, yet how can I know so much about love? Perhaps I've experienced the feelings and the suffering that my mother has gone through...and this is how I got here.

My ex left me because of the things I went through. I was depressed, wanted to suicide. He didn't know what to do. He told me he wasn't ready. He couldn't handle it. So he broke up, even though it hurt him. The thing is...maybe he only wanted me because I'm seen as an object to him. Then again, he told me I was the most beautiful and nice girl he'd ever met...

The guy I have now....I'm surprised that he's still with me up until now. Even though he didn't know what to do as I was going through that whole phase, he still stayed with me...and that showed me that he was into me for me.

I can tell that he wasn't ready...I can tell. I can tell up until March that he still wasn't ready. However, deep in my heart, I didn't want that to be true. I didn't want to regret the things I did with him. Doing that particular thing....is very deep. If he was ready for that, how can he not be ready for this relationship...to handle the things that go along with it?

All along, I thought he was ready, even though I had doubts. I never knew that he would say it to me outside....hearing those words were enough to break my heart.

Another month? I can wait, but I refuse to. What difference will it really make? No...another month is another step to love him more and the harder it will be for me.

I need to know by today..yes or no...I want an answer.

If he isn't, we just can't continue because we can't be happy...at least I can't because he won't understand my needs and feelings.

If one isn't ready for making love, that's reasonable and not that important. But if one isn't ready for handling emotions and commitment..then the relationship is just impossible unless two people are not ready.

Even though he did exactly what would make me feel better today...I'm still a tiny bit sad.

The thing that bothers me lately is that...we're apart and distant from each other. He doesn't hold me like he used to...nor does he hold me because he wants to. He doesn't kiss me anymore...and he woud do that every single day...he said it was a routine...

We don't hold hands anymore. He's not in front of my class anymore...we don't walk together anymore...no time in the park anymore...no time at the basketball courts anymore...no time for anything anymore...

Where is the love? Perhaps he doesn't love me unconditionally...seems to me like he stops loving me one day and loves me again the next.

Because I know...that no matter what...one who loves will never take away the things that he and the other person cherish most.

All of this hurt me.

Maybe we're not together.
Or maybe it's not the same anymore.

From now on....even if he did say he is ready...I don't think...he would love me like before...

He used to play around with me...spend time with me...have fun...he always had his arms around me...he would connect himself to me one way or another...

what happened....

I just want to disappear....

Perhaps he really isn't ready bc the love he has for me...isn't stable and lasting...

By the looks of it now...I bet 10 years from now...if I do get married to him...he won't do the things he did to me like back in november and december.

Five months...and he has already stopped.

Five months...and he tells me that he isn't ready..

Five months...and we might end up ending it all...

And he told me that our love is forever.

And he told me that he will never stop doing the romantic things he do now.

And he told me that we will be together for always.

He promised...JayTee forever.

He stopped kissing me, hugging me, waiting for me, walking with me, and hold me.

JayTee...I'm afraid it's going to be broken....

~jen-jen