♥ Daily Blog: Long Gone

I didn't feel good (yes good, not well) ever since last night.

I was bothered.

After first period, I confirmed that the day won't be great.

After second period, my emotions headed toward a downfall. Not sure what happened, but L tried to pull me away. "You don't wait for him. He waits for you." True. "He should be with you at all times, even if he's standing in the background."

Every time I tried to stop, she pulled me. I followed her, safely thinking that he was glued to me, and that he'll eventually catch up. I was wrong. Furthermore, I wasn't even sure if I should have waited or not. For one, he didn't really talk to me last night nor this morning.
L told me that he didn't follow me. I just shrugged, trying to act like it's all casual. I was trying to repress whatever emotion I was having. When I realized that he wasn't coming, I follow L as she came to talk to her friends, hoping that I'll feel better. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him walking by..but he just walked passed me and seemed to have ignored me. I just stared after him at his back for a few more seconds, and L started to go to class. When she turned around, she was like, "OMG! JEN? WHAT HAPPENED? Omg omg...are you okay? Why in the world are you crying??!!" over and over again. I laughed, for I was surprised myself that tears were falling from my eyes.
"I don't know...I don''t know. I don't know what's going on with me...why am I crying?" I tried to laugh, wiping one of my tears with the back of my hand. They were dripping like heavy rain...they didn't drop down slowly...it was a sudden burst...and I was unaware of it. L was all panicking and overreacting.
"No, don't cry! Aghh...can't cry like this!" she exclaimed.
"Um...just hide my face," I said, still trying to smile as I covered my eyes with my hands and hiding my face with L's backpack. She grabbed my arm and pulled me to the girl's bathroom.
I just stood there, crying and laughing at the same time. "I don't understand," I tried to laugh. L rummaged through her backpack and gave me some tissue. I blew my nose in it after I dried up my tears a bit. A classmate from my history class saw me, and she looked concerned.

L pulled me out and took me to class. When the bell rang, the classmate who saw me cry came in and took a long look at me. She gently nudged my arm and asked if I was ok. I just nodded and smiled.

But...the pain lasted with me throughout the day. My eyes stayed watery all the way to fourth period and to lunch.

I silenty cried in fifth period and sixth period.

After school, L had to go home so I stayed behind and finish what I could.

I was furious, crying inside, and simply not functioning.

No matter how angry I will be or crying inside...or mad...the guy should never raise his tone. That's what a nice guy is. If he loves someone, he should never raise his own voice no matter what.

It would be nice to have if the guy apologizes...eh...but Mother was right. A guy who will always apologize and has a calm voice is someone who will make his lady happy and feel lucky.

eh who needs luck, who needs to be happy? Love's just not meant for me...

I took the bus home. With so many things running around my mind, I crossed the street without looking at the traffic lights. A car honked at me nonstopping, and I only started to hear it at the moment the car zoomed right pass me, missing me by an inch.

If the car was driving fast, I would've been hit, but it was driving slow, so I was safe.

I was insane. I crossed the street while the lights were still green for the cars. My mind was somewhere else...

Why wasn't I hit?

Love.... we think about it, sing about it, dream about it, lose sleep worrying about it. When we don't have it, we search for it; when we discover it, we don't know what to do with it; when we have it, we fear losing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we can't predict which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without.

L tried to help me with giving me some quotes:

All she ever wanted from him was his love but all he ever gave her was heartbreak
Love is born from the eyes, is grown by the kiss, and is gone with the tears.

Rate for today: 3.0

End of the month soon, and so far, looks interesting.

~jen-jen